


fade into you

by silkspectre



Category: Cyberpunk 2077 (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Corporate dealings, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Smut, F/M, Jackie Welles Lives, Slow Burn, There is a plot I swear, corpo path v, fuck the real endings frankly, urm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-14 20:54:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 31,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29052474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silkspectre/pseuds/silkspectre
Summary: V makes an error of judgement in a reckless act of revenge. For her efforts she is going to die and an engram of a long-dead rocker boy, Johnny Silverhand has entered her conscience hellbent on making her final months as hellish as possible.Follows a Corpo path with some differences.
Relationships: Johnny Silverhand/Female V, Misty Olszewski/Jackie Welles
Comments: 26
Kudos: 44





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from the song ‘Fade Into You’ by Mazzy Star. 
> 
> Also shoutout to my choom Vic, who beta read this for me despite not having played the game. And also has put up with me talking about nothing else for the past few weeks.
> 
> Let me know what you think!

V couldn’t believe that she was being let go. Her blood, sweat and tears that she'd shed working for Arasaka meant nothing. 

It was either the bottom of a bottle, or revenge for her. She chose both.

The most pressing thing, the thing she knew Yorinobu Arasaka was itchiest about was that fucking biochip. She’d heard gossip and was curious, but all in all it had faded from memory until now. Now she needed something that would make them nervous. There was a relic – something very dear to Saburo. For whatever reason. V had the tiniest bit of understanding, but to her comfortably sloshed mind that meant she was suddenly an expert. 

And so that is how she ended up in Yorinobu’s apartment, hauling that briefcase out. Had to be a fly in the wall to know just where the briefcase had ended up. And she had one better with a thermal scanner. V wobbled on her heels like a baby giraffe as she eyed the door to the balcony, scanning it and wondering if she should just try the elevator again. Some poor admin sap and forgotten to cancel her clearance. 

Before she even stepped towards the elevator, the cold barrel of a gun was introduced to the side of her forehead. 

V had never faced a gun pointed at her before, almost dropped the briefcase, her knees shaking slightly. She turned her head slightly to see a gonk with a gun and a pleased expression. Looked like all his Christmases came at once. It made her blood boil. This was her biochip. She’d taken the steps to get it and at the final hour he was gonna take it from her? 

‘’Now chica- hand that over nice and slow.’’ He held out a plate-sized hand and waited. V glared at him, and almost fell over when the man quickly herded her into that hollow pillar. ‘’Oh fuck – Yorinobu Arasaka. In the fuckin’ flesh.’’ He murmured to himself. V clutched the briefcase, frowning and trying to parse through the conflicting messages her brain was spouting. Run. Hide. Die. Sleep. Too much. 

V felt bile rising in her throat, clamping a hand over her mouth. 

‘’Shit, keep it together!’’ The man hissed at her. V elbowed him, pitching forward and trying her hardest not to empty the contents of her stomach on that shiny decadent wood floor. Deep breaths, and unexpectedly a hand patting her back awkwardly. She let him, just praying that Yorinobu would turn tail and scuttle back to wherever he was sleeping for the night. 

She almost felt better before Saburo showed up, causing her stomach to roll again. She held steady, feeling beads of sweat on her forehead and angrily wiping them. Her would-be thief hadn’t tried to swipe the case. She was thanking her lucky stars for that before Saburo’s wizened frame was slammed into the pillar, making her and the thief jump in shock. 

‘’Holy shit…holy shit.’’ She whispered, a hand pressed against her chest in shock whilst the other gripped the briefcase with white knuckles. They both stood there, opened-mouthed as Yorinobu choked the life out of his father’s body. V realised she’d been holding her breath once Saburo’s lifeless body was staring in her direction. They were still hidden but she felt that stare pierce her chest. 

She was still staring once the thief nudged her, ‘’They’re gone – let’s get the fuck outta here.’’ The penthouse was bathed in red. A voice over the speakers was talking about a lockdown. 

‘’Should I put it back?’’ V hated how meek her voice sounded. 

‘’Hey you get out with it and I sell it – I’ll split the pay. Even got a buyer lined up already. Well, a fixer. Name’s Jackie by the way. Jackie Welles.’’ He held a hand out to her, and V shook it daintily. 

‘’V. Just V. Let’s go.’’ She scanned the balcony door, Jackie was talking to someone through comms. Something about a service ladder. V watched as Jackie’s face fell into a look of despair, barking curse words as the door shuddered open. V quickly ran out, teetering on her heels as the rain-slicked tiles greeted them. 

‘’Fuckin’ nightmare. The ladder – round the corner Chica.’’ Jackie pushed her towards the ledge, V kicking off her heels and watching them drop. All the way to where she would smash into the ground if- ‘’Move!!’’ Jackie yelled. V started, her arm aching from clutching the briefcase. Her other hand held onto the window panes. 

A heliplane was rearing it’s head. V felt her stomach twist again. It was like she was in a dream. The fuzzy edge from her binge drinking didn’t soften the anxiety completely. Her foot slipped, and Jackie grabbed her arm to steady her. Right as the plane neared and she caught sight of the Arasaka logo and the goons inside. 

‘’Jump! We’re not gonna make the ladder!’’ Jackie yelled, grabbing V’s arm and pulling. 

‘’You’re out of your fucking mind!’’ She screamed, snatching her arm back, teetering and falling onto the angled glass, anyway. She tried to curl around the briefcase, figuring maybe it would soften whatever blow was awaiting her when she landed. 

When the bullets started flying, V felt her blood turn to ice. This wasn’t a game anymore. Her drunken fuckup was going to have a lot more collateral damage than she thought. And just as she finished that thought, she landed with an unforgiving smack into somewhere new. Somewhere with pipes and steam and grated metal flooring. 

Jackie was there, groaning in pain as well. V gasped slightly, remembering the case and seeing the cracked and bullet-damaged exterior. ‘’Oh fuck, oh no. Please.’’ She noticed the screen reading out the damage percentage of the chip. Her last sliver of hope that she might be able to salvage something from this stupid mistake. 

‘’Hey, chica, don’t do nothing stupid here.’’ Jackie was steadying himself on the wall. V opened the case, taking the chip and slotting it in her head. Her vision was filled with information, loading, numbers. Nothing new, nothing scary. 

‘’Needed a neural environment to preserve chip integrity.’’ She got up herself, feeling her body for bullet holes. 

‘’Fine. Whatever. You know how to use iron?’’ Jackie held out a gun, and V eyed it. 

‘’No. I can try.’’ She took it carefully, trying not to point it at either of them. Jackie leaned forward slightly, showing her the safety latch. 

‘’Stay low, keep close. You got any quickhacks?’’ Jackie squinted slightly, praying that she could offer something in the fight. 

‘’Reboot optics and short circuit. Only the basics for self defence.’’ V wasn’t completely helpless. Just mostly. Usually there was a bodyguard or security nearby, both in the tower when she was working and back at her swanky soon to be vacated penthouse apartment. 

‘’It’ll have to do. Remember what I said; low and close. If one of ‘em drops some fancy iron don’t be ‘fraid to klep it.’’ Jackie led the way. V could feel herself shaking in fear. Hated how helpless she felt in this situation- being out of control was something she hated. 

Jackie was skilled when it came to dispatching the armed Arasaka mob. V worked their data, using it to hack and split them up so it was easier for them to be taken down. She’d picked up an assault rifle, awkwardly slinging it over one shoulder. Jackie had paused to show her how to turn the safety off while they rode the elevator down to the parking garage. 

‘’No bullet holes in you. Good job.’’ He glanced over at her. 

‘’We’re both lucky we’re not Swiss cheese.’’ V patted herself to double-check. 

‘’You know, I showed up here by myself thinkin’ I could do it all. Had this security robot – saw you in the security cams right before I shut them down. You really shouldn’t have been here.’’ Jackie was looking at her head now. Where the chip was sequestered away. 

‘’Thanks. For shutting down security. Could’ve got us both killed. I’ve learnt my lesson.’’ The door to the elevator opened. Shouts from the Arasaka goons, and the Delamain waiting like Jackie had said it would be. 

‘’Gotta run for it. Keep down, stay close like I said. Get in the backseat, use the car as cover and I’ll follow you in. Ready?’’ Jackie waited until she nodded, and they both sprinted towards the Delamain. V was quicker, demonstrably so. Diving into the backseat, she ducked forward as the Arasaka squad opened fire on the car. Jackie threw himself in moments later, the doors slamming shut as the Delamain raced out of the parking garage. 

‘’Glad Dex paid top dollar. Wouldn’t have made it without that combat mode.’’ Jackie sighed. 

‘’Dex? The guy who wants the chip?’’ V raised an eyebrow, the cogs in her mind churning. 

‘’Dexter DeShawn. He wanted to give me thirty for that shit. I told him if I’m going alone I want forty. Settled on thirty-five.’’ Jackie launched into a detailed explanation of his day. V tuned out, thinking how much she had in her bank. How much she needed to delta out of Nighy City. How good it would feel to get ahead and come out on top. 

‘’You are approaching your destination.’’ Delamain announced. V sighed, cracking her knuckles absently while Jackie continued. 

Throwing a punch hard enough to knock someone out is hard. Throwing one that will knock out an ex boxer is even harder. But Jackie went down like a sack of potatoes after V socked him. Slumped against the seat, the Delamain host popping up. ‘’It seems Mr Welles is indisposed. Should I take him elsewhere?’’ his emotionless eyes stared into the backseat. 

‘’Take him home, I’ll meet with Mr. DeShawn.’’ V grinned, opening her door and emerging. She pulled her blouse straight, checked that her skirt hadn’t ridden up and sprinted up the stairs of the Tell No Motel in her bare feet. 

Jackie had even told her what room Mr. DeShawn was in. 240, easy to find. V straightened her back, ready to sell her proposition. Ready to get a deal and get out. 

DeShawn’s bodyguard looked at her like she was a fly that had just been seen gobbling on freshly laid shit. V gave him her best smile, ‘’I’m here to see Mr. DeShawn on behalf of a Jackie Welles. Unfortunately Jackie can’t make it. So I’m here.’’ 

‘’That so?’’the bodyguard ducked inside and called to Dex, the two of them sharing hushed whispers. The guard stood back, gesturing for V to come in, which she gladly did. 

‘’Got your chip. Right here.’’ She tapped the port she’d put it in. ‘’Now for the payment.’’ 

Dexter DeShawn seemed to be transfixed by the television screen. He only turned to V after an uncomfortable silence had settled in the room. ‘’Payment? You want payment for this shit?’’ He let out a laugh, slapping his hands together. ‘’First of all I sent Jackie Welles for this – not some suit with attitude. Second, not only did he fuck up spectacularly – someone else completely shows up demanding payment for services rendered. As though we do not now have the world’s largest motherfucking target painted on our backs. Jesus Christ.’’ Dex turned around, leaving V trying to parse words from her brain into excuses. 

‘’Listen – whoever you are-‘’

‘’Valerie. V.’’ She cut in. 

‘’V. Go get yourself cleaned up, splash some water, take a piss. We’ll talk about your payment. Figure this is worth something.’’ Dex gestured towards a door, and V gladly headed in there. Nothing like a splash of cold water to wake her up. Not that she needed any help with that. Her reflection stared back, prim and proper even under the dingy fluorescent lights. 

Steeling herself, she walked back in to find the bodyguard and Dec standing there. It took a moment for her brain to catch up on what was happening, and just when she realised that she had well and truly fucked up, a fist connected with her cheekbone. 

Pain bloomed, blinding and disorienting V. She fell, fingers sinking into sticky, dirty carpet as she tried to keep a hold on her conscience. Managed to at least utter a quick ‘Fuck you’ before a bullet raced towards her head. 

And then it was lights out. 

She could smell the place before she could see again. Beer and smoke, and there was something loud waiting. Muted crowd noises. And it wasn’t like she was seeing through her eyes, it was like she was trapped in another person’s head. V couldn’t do anything – just watch as this man walked towards the noise. 

‘’Hey Johnny, you feelin’ okay?’’ a woman lazing on stage steps asked. 

‘’Wastin’ your life. Followin’ us around like dogs.’’ A deep, rough voice. V felt the action of him talking, but couldn’t talk herself. Like she was in a dream. She had to be dreaming. It felt so real, and she’d never been to this place before. 

Another new sensation slowly building – anger. Like a dull, thudding headache at first and then sinking into her chest. Into his chest. He walked through the corridor and closer to that noise. V expected to feel anxious in the face of them all, but the anger only got worse. And a surge of power, she could recognise that feeling well enough. 

Pinned someone up against the wall, got sneered at by someone else. All was shrugged off and the singular desire was to see this crowd. Feel the noise without the barrier of thick concrete walls. 

The crowd was like a hungry, living creature in front. They grew louder, there was a hum that joined the chorus. He took hold of a guitar – she could feel the weight of it. The fretboard, the almost silky but toothed texture of the strings. And then they were speaking again, words that she didn’t form in her mind. Someone else’s. 

‘’Tonight I’m…I’m here to say goodbye to you all.’’ 

Darkness re-introduced itself. And it was bliss compared to what had just been. 

When she was yanked back into the memories, V decided to try something. She tried yelling, screaming. Had no body of her own, just a thrumming knowledge that she had her own self, and this was someone else. 

The show was over. Sweat clung to the skin, but no tiredness. The body was alive, the body was pumped full of adrenaline mingled with that sharp, deep anger. Like nothing she’d felt before. 

There was more talking. She didn’t know who these people were, but to him she could feel familiarity. He knew these people. Didn’t act like he cared at all, said horrible things and barely felt a sting. He was a force of nature, seemingly just stomping through regardless of who was in the way. 

A woman, another familiar surge. V tried to grasp a hold on who they were, what they meant to this person. It was there somewhere, but she started to feel wrong like she was rifling through a file cabinet full of personal documents. She wanted to get out. 

They were flying and she finally saw the first thing she recognised – and Arasaka logo. The company she worked for. Did the building she worked in get hit? Had everything just been a dream? She’d been killed in an attack and now was daydreaming about stealing a chip and slotting it into her head. And now this. No, no this wasn’t right. Was real. She could feel the gun in her hand. A silver hand and a silver arm. 

There was a rip of gunfire, the distinct noise of it slamming into flesh. Turret gunner was down. The body stepped in, blood humming through them as they laid waste to the security team. Arasaka’s security team. And he was enjoying it. She was wrapped up in it, too. People were dying right in front of her and she could only feel the anger being satiated, a grim euphoria. 

The helicopter landed and they entered Arasaka tower. V didn’t recognise anything, it looked so much different from what she had known. The body expertly cut down anyone in their path, reloading with a flourish. Sick fucker was enjoying this. And by extension, V was as well. Trapped in the emotions of a madman. It might have even been hell. Dex had surely planted a bullet in her head before she was dragged along on this horrific journey. 

When the explosion was planted again there was a surge of euphoria. Fucker was surely getting off on this power trip. Shot the elevator cables, sending the bomb falling. Didn’t see what happened because wonder boy went through a pair of double doors. Woman he was with was angry and took off. V didn’t want to see any more. 

The next moments spent jacking into a mainframe. Old tech. From way before V was even born. She was trying to remember hearing about Arasaka being blown sky high. And then it was time to run, but the body didn’t get too far. He was hit by something, falling to the ground. 

Everything went black again. 

V was glad it was over, until it wasn’t. 

He somehow managed to get up to the roof, hearing encouragement to go faster. He got to the helicopter, and then he fell. 

When the attacker came into view, V recognised him. Adam Smasher. She’d heard colleagues complain about how uncomfortable he made them. Had only returned to Night City a little while ago. Rumoured to be taking over Arasaka’s security services. 

More gunshots. More chaos. More blackness invading every element of her vision. 

And then falling ash, and a feeling like they were floating along. Looking down it was clear they were on an ambulance gurney. 

More dark. 

V was tired of not being able to move. Not being able to talk to whoever she was trapped inside of. Her frustration was faint, fuzzy like it was a ghost of an emotion. Couldn’t even feel things for herself. Maddening. 

When Saburo Arasaka came into view, V felt fear. She knew what was going to happen, so he must have as well. Strapped down to a chair, utterly powerless. With the owner of the tower he had just blown up staring him down. Didn’t mean to kill. Wanted to, though. She had felt that sickening bloodlust. Something was slid onto his head. Something bad. Had to get out. Scared. 

Gone. 

V had her body back. Or what looked like it. Felt like it, too. But around her it was blue staccato static. Shapes made out of strange shapes. Like data made flesh. And a red anomaly amongst it all. V approached it, recognising a vaguely human shape. Kept moving away. She went up, surprised she didn’t phase through the stairs. 

Eventually she got close enough to lay a hand on the figure’s shoulder. He turned, regarding her with interest. 

‘’Who’re you?’’


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> V wakes up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love writing this - I haven't really written a whole thing that is this long in a while. 
> 
> Again, my choom Vic beta read this. They are the best! Also bless them for listening to me carry on about this game for the past few weeks. Seriously they have the patience of a saint.

What V’s limited conscience could process felt like fireworks. Neural transmissions popping and crackling as her body started functioning again. Slowly, she twitched awake, eyes snapping open and being greeted by searing, overwhelming bright light. And before she could get any allusions that she was in heaven, the rancid tang of rotting things hit her. A sheet of metal weighted her down, like someone had tried to hide her. 

V moved slowly, she couldn’t go any faster in her state. Just sliding her body over metal, rocks, wires and discarded junk. She’d been dumped there like garbage, but her survival instinct glazed over that as she kept moving. Even if she was overwhelmed by pain, her body kept going. 

The slamming of car doors startled her out of her daze. There wasn’t really anything to hide under. Nowhere to go in this wide open space filled with what the city chewed up and spit out. Fitting. 

She recognised Dex first, her fists balling weakly, only filling with mud and debris. The other man she remembered as Saburo’s bodyguard. The one who could have caught her and Jackie if not for Yorinobu sending him away before he could complete his room scan. Dexter DeShawn looked at her, and she saw his grimace. ‘’Look – she’s there. Found her for you.’’ 

‘’Pick her up, bring her here.’’ The bodyguard demanded. V squinted and realized her was holding a gun to Dex. 

DeShawn did what he was told, huffing as he heaved her towards the car. ‘’This good enough?’’ He panted. ‘’Heavier than she looks.’’ 

The bodyguard nodded, and DeShawn launched into a spiel about going away. How they were square. Didn’t even see the gun being lifted, saw even less after the bullet had invaded the soft squishy parts in his head. Dex collapsed, and the bodyguard dragged V over to the car. Even half-dead she still felt a surge of satisfaction from seeing her killer get taken out. 

The bodyguard crouched in front of her, eyes glinting silver in the low evening light. ‘’Arasaka-San, I’ve found your father’s killer…It is her, I have no doubt.’’ 

V’s translator was still working, a little slow but still showing her what the man was saying. She instead opened her mouth to speak. ‘’Help…me..’’ she reached for him, and he swatted her hand away. 

‘’I’ll be back in an hour.’’ He ended his call, and promptly slapped her, tipping her back into the dark. 

V was so tired of waking up in different places. Even if there was a familiar industry standard car air freshener smell, it was still a place that was foreign to her. The bodyguard’s car was a convertible, so at least her stench wouldn’t be trapped in. But still, V could smell the acrid stench that she’d no doubt taken on in the landfill. Lovely. 

‘’You smell like shit.’’ Her charming new driver glared at her. 

V had to work hard to keep from passing out. She’d never felt so tired, even though she’d barely stayed awake for what felt like days. How long had it been? She dug her nails into her thighs, trying to distract herself. Looking down at her ruined tights, her cut and bruised legs peaking throughout the holes.   
She was about to give up, just shut her eyes and slink back into the void before she was rattled back into the present. Red specks of data infiltrated her vision, a stabbing pain greeting her already battered mind. RELIC MALFUNCTION. More code sprawled out but it meant nothing, she had seen it before. Was the chip she put in her head dying? 

‘’You hear me? I need your help!’’ The driver’s voice cut through the silt of pain and confusion. Help? How could she help? V could barely stay awake. He handed her something – an air hypo. Something she’d encountered on safety drills. Knew what to do with it. 

The pain in her head was much worse than the one from the hypo, but it jarred her into the present. A deep, gasping breath. Felt like she was going to throw up. V moved to stick her head over the window, interrupted by the roar of a motorbike, and red eyes. Arasaka assassins. 

One of the bikers was hit by the car, launching the machine over their heads. The other two weaving in and out of traffic. Trying to box them in, shooting at the windshield. ‘’Here, before they kill us both!’’ The driver yelled. 

V tried to remember how Jackie had taken out those armed guards. She hoped he’d made it home. How lucky for him, that her own stupidity and greed had absconded him from Dex’s bullets. 

Leaning on the door, she tried to aim. Rattled off a few shots, wincing at the noise. Another headache starting to form as she focused as much as she could. Her driver was yelling, obviously unhappy about the amount of shots she was actually hitting. Popped one into the neck of one of the bikers, his body crumpling and the bike hitting the road partition, flipping up into the next lane. 

Red lines sowed themselves back into her vision, just as the car spun around to face the remaining biker. Assassin. Whoever they were they obviously weren’t interested in sitting down and talking out their differences. V clumsily reloaded the gun, blinking rapidly and trying not to drop anything. Her driver glared at her. ‘’If you think you can do a better job – by all means!’’ She screamed over the noise. 

The car pulled into reverse, back up as the biker kept coming. It was easier to aim, V popped a couple of shots into the target. Sent him off his bike, an explosion blooming against the slick grey tarmac. V breathed, sighing just as a figure jumped at the car, mantis blades already spread from their arms. 

‘’Oh fuck. Oh god. Hey, hey I can’t shoot! I can’t do this!’’ V screamed, the driver yelling back at her. She brought the gun back up, dodging as one of the blades swept at them. Most of her shots missed, a few connecting but bouncing off the metal work. V was wondering just how much longer it would be before her head was separated from her shoulders. 

A sickening crunch brought an abrupt end to their drive. The mantis-bladed assassin was twitching up against a streetlight, body just as crumpled as the car. V spilled out, quickly snatching the gun back up. ‘’Don’t you dare faint again.’’ The driver limped towards her, clutching himself. V just glared, back away from the car. The assassin was still twitching, so she fired off a few more bullets, one of them connecting with their head and putting an end to their dance. 

V finally scanned the driver, seeing a name. ‘Goro Takemura’. Fine, she let him take the gun from her, slumping slightly against what was against her back. Cold, hard metal. 

‘’Do you know of a ripperdoc? We require medical assistance.’’ Takemura still had a sour look on his face. 

‘’No. Don’t know anyone like that.’’ Her heart was racing, trying to look through garbled memories. She’d never visited any ripperdoc. Just Arasaka mandated technicians. Obviously that wouldn’t work out well for them. ‘’Know someone…Jackie Welles. Might come. Might not.’’ It felt stupid, expecting the man she fucked over to come and help. But V had a feeling he would, and her instinct is what had gotten her that cushy job and plush lifestyle. Not that any of those things did any good for her now. 

Takemura wandered off, and V was left trying to hold herself together. Her hand was shaking, the one she had used to shoot. Her shoulder ached from the kickback, another piece of pain to join the symphony she felt all over her body. 

It felt like ages, but it must’ve not been that long. Takemura came back, lowering himself beside her with a grunt. ‘’He is coming. Knows a ripperdoc.’’ 

V squinted, another wave of tiredness sweeping her, along with some static creeping in. ‘’He’s the one who was with me. Almost got him killed as well.’’ 

‘’Hard to believe that two people could be so foolish.’’ Takemura murmured. 

‘’Thought it was a good idea. Alcohol was involved.’’ V laughed bitterly, wincing as pain rippled through her body. Takemura grunted with disapproval, both of them waiting in silence. V slowly felt her vision fuzz over, Takemura having to shake her in order to keep her from slipping back into her blissful unconscious realm. 

Jackie’s car pulled up about fifteen minutes later. Takemura rose first, gun in hand. They eyed each other uneasily, Jackie spotting V and moving over to her, eyes barely open and glazed over. He crouched in front, tilting her head up. ‘’Thought you were dead, chica. Shame, haven’t been hit like that in a long time.’’ He turned to Takemura, ‘’Hey, open up the backseat, yeah? You sit with her.’’ 

V was lifted, and placed in the car. Takemura looked at her uneasily once he was there as well. ‘’She doesn’t have long. Be quick.’’ 

‘’Yeah, got the doc on standby. Viktor Vektor - we go way back. Had to explain on the way to ‘im, but he’s a good guy. Known him since I was a kid, y’know? Used to patch me up after fights. Used to fight himself.’’ Jackie started a whole story, launching in detail as V tried desperately not to fall back asleep. Takamura shaking her every few moments with a disdainful look. 

The ripperdoc was pretty out of the way, down some stairs amidst trash-strewn doorways and people barely glancing as Jackie carried V in. Takamura limped behind, still clutching himself. Just another day in Night City, another set of casualties. Once V was on the table, she caught sight of the look on Viktor’s face. Concern and confusion. It was a start, she was safe. Finally, she sunk back under into sleep. 

V remembered bits and pieces of her time at the ripperdoc’s clinic. Snatches of her opening her eyes and seeing Jackie, Takamura or Viktor Vektor himself wearing that same concerned expression she had first seen him with. Nothing really meant anything, her mind barely registering what was going on. Just faces, bits of conversation in hushed tones. 

When she was well enough to sit up and take everything in, it was just her and Viktor. He noticed her trying to move and gently helped her, hooking his arms under her elbows to pull her up so she was sitting. Took a red leather stool, seemingly mulling over his words as he took the time to sit in front of her. ‘’Surprised to be here.’’ V’s voice was scratchy, rough. 

‘’I’m kind of surprised as well. Wasn’t expecting you to make it past the day Jackie carried you in. Got some fight in you. Not a bad thing to have.’’ Viktor laid his hands on his knees, eyebrows knitting together. 

‘’I feel like there’s more.’’ V looked down at her arms. The numerous puncture wounds from injections and wires. Felt like Frankenstein’s monster. 

‘’There is. Thought Jackie might be here to help explain.’’ Viktor rubbed the back of his neck. 

‘’I barely know him.’’ V offered. 

‘’He said as much, but been visiting. Told me all about your little heist. Sounds like a monumental fuck-up. Couldn’t have gone worse.’’ 

‘’We could both be dead.’’ V cut back. Viktor opened his mouth, sighing and slumping forward slightly. 

‘’Listen, kid. You remember the shard, right? The one you put in your head?’’ Viktor gestured to the side of his head. V moved her hand to the side of her own head, feeling a mass of bandages.   
‘’Yeah? Is it okay?’’ It was her turn to frown. 

‘’Well, seems like when you were shot, you shouldn’t have come back. Somehow the chip brought you back, rebooted your system.’’ Viktor’s hands kept busy, gesturing from side to side like he was describing a ship yawning from side to side. 

‘’So it saved my life? I would have just....just died without it?’’ V once again felt her head. So maybe she’d keep it. Put it on a keychain or necklace if it was busted. 

‘’Simultaneously, when it rebooted your system the chip began overwriting your own system, so to speak. Your memories, personality...I don’t know how it’ll progress. Doesn’t seem to have done too much damage so far. It’s not a quick process - could take weeks or months depending on the meds we get you on.’’ Viktor looked up, and V did as well once Jackie Welles entered the room. 

‘’So..what? I’m going to lose my mind? What is gonna happen?’’ V looked back to Viktor. 

‘’Something like that. Look this tech is out of my wheelhouse. I’ve heard things, could guess enough from my research and analysis. But yes, you’re going to die. Your mind, at least. The engram is going to take over.’’ 

‘’Engram? The thing on the chip? What is it?’’ V demanded. 

‘’A construct. Personality. Someone’s memories.’’ Viktor continued. 

V remembered being trapped in that man’s body. The stage, the assault on Arasaka. So it wasn’t all a fucked up dream. Someone’s memories. 

‘’Who is it? Do you know?’’ 

‘’Johnny Silverhand. Rockerboy - last heard from around fifty years ago. Night City legend, if you believe there is such a thing.’’ Viktor looked over at Jackie again. ‘’Bombed Arasaka HQ. Most thought he was buried under the rubble. But obviously not.’’ Viktor moved off the stool, going to grab some things. Jackie moved closer, taking his spot. 

‘’Tough news. I’ve been asking around about this fuckin’ thing but nobody knows jack shit. Hopin’ you’ll help me try and dig up some info. After some rest.’’ Jackie was a little too chipper for V’s liking. Her mind was still racing over the fact that her clock was ticking. How could she ever accept that? She was fine, and now she wasn’t. And it was all her fault. She’d practically committed suicide in the slowest and stupidest way possible. 

She tried to get up, shakily setting her feet on the floor as the room swayed around her. 

‘’Got you an apartment nearby. Paid up for the month. I do need some help in the meantime. Just merc work. A hacker to help keep assholes distracted.’’ Jackie spoke quickly, barely letting V process the information. She just nodded along, trying to navigate what exactly she was feeling. What was going on. What was going to happen to her. Losing her mind. Losing it already. 

‘’Fine. Okay. Whatever.’’ V took a couple of steps, trying to steady herself. Jackie moved to take her arm, calling out to someone called Misty. A couple of moments and a woman with shaggy blonde hair and heavy eye makeup entered the room, pushing a wheelchair. ‘’I don’t need that.’’ V insisted. 

‘’Hey, take it easy. We’re gonna find you a solution. Vik, you got those pills?’’ Jackie asked. 

Viktor handed them over, gently resting a hand on V’s shoulder. ‘’You need anything - you can come here. If you just wanna talk, or need any fixes.’’ 

‘’Thanks, doc. You didn’t have to do all this. I’ll...I’ll be in touch.’’ V gently lowered herself into the wheelchair. It felt strange, being escorted by Jackie and Misty. Up the stairs, round to an apartment complex. Up an elevator plastered with monitors and garish ads. Graffiti and the smell of piss.   
‘’You just take a day or two, huh chica? I’ll call tomorrow.’’ Jackie spoke. Softly, like she was an old friend. 

‘’Why are you doing all this? I fucked you over. Tried to take your share. Took the shard.’’ V didn’t look at him when she asked. 

‘’Shit, I woulda got shot too if I’d gone up to Dexter. Both of us woulda ended up in that landfill. And I don’t think I woulda got out like you did. Feels like you came into it to help me. Remind me that I ain’t invincible.’’ Jackie pushed her along once they left the elevator, Misty leading in front. 

‘’I didn’t come in to help you. You know that. I just wanted revenge, some eddies. You could’ve died because of me.’’ V looked at him, now. 

‘’Hey, I didn’t say you meant to save me. But you did. I can see you’re kinda prickly, it’s okay. Corpos are different, I get it. But you just got dealt some pretty bad news, huh? So let me help.’’ He finished just as Misty opened the apartment door. They went inside, and V was surprised by the space. Wasn’t dirty like the elevator. Didn’t smell of piss either. A far call from her old place, but not abhorrent. 

‘’Not bad. Think we did okay.’’ Misty smiled softly, turning on the lights and a small radio that had been left. 

‘’Mmm...I...yeah it’s nice. Thanks.’’ V wondered how she was so tired. All she had done was sleep. 

‘’I’ll go wait outside. See you around, V.’’ Misty left the room. 

Jackie moved in front of her, sighing and crouching down so they were almost level. ‘’Listen, I know this is a lot to take in. Maybe come over for some food tomorrow. My ma - Mama Welles, she’ll make you some food. Have a talk. She’s been wanting to meet you.’’ He reached into his pockets, producing a bottle of blue pills. ‘’These’ll lessen the effects of that chip a lil. Vik said something about them giving you a lil more time.’’ 

‘’Thanks.’’ V closed her hand into a fist over the pills. 

‘’Maybe show me how you punched so hard soon. Gotta up my game. Streets are rough.’’ Jackie laughed, standing and heading out. ‘’See you soon. Tomorrow, maybe. Give you a call alright?’’ 

V didn’t watch him go. She wheeled over to the bed, taking her time to stand. The blinds were open and she could see people moving about below. Once she was tired of watching and the room had stilled, she lowered herself onto the bed and shut her eyes.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> V and Johnny introduce themselves to each other properly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vic, my choom, my beta, almost gave their life tonight in a fit of giggles after I made a typo. Their sacrifice is dearly appreciated. 
> 
> Lemme know what you all think!

‘’Gotta get out of here - understand?’’ The man from the dream - no - the man from the memories. The one in her head. Silverhand. He moved closer - crouching over her; ‘’And I’ll kill anyone who gets in my way.’’ 

V couldn’t do anything, couldn’t move. 

Shut her eyes. 

Gone again. 

‘’Need a smoke. Where’d you stash yours?’’ a voice shook V from her dreamless sleep. She recognized it, sitting up and blinking as the apartment swayed. He was leaning up against the wall, near the window. 

‘’Where’d you come from? How are we even talking?’’ V pinched her nose, trying to stop the swaying. 

‘’How the fuck should I know?’’ he replied. 

V glared at him, her hands clenched into fists. ‘’Fuck off!’’ She screamed, like she was trying to frighten a predatory animal. She wasn’t about to be bossed around by this ghost in her head. V had been Queen Shit, she’d stood up to some real corpo assholes in her time. This guy was nothing, literally. Johnny Silverhand was dead. She didn’t know what this was, but she’d had enough. 

He glitched, back against the wall. Like she’d scared him back. ‘’The fuck kinda joytoy you s’posed to be?’’ he frowned.

‘’Joytoy...fuckin’ ghost off!’’ V yelled. She stood, almost falling as soon as she was vertical. Way to be intimidating. Stilling herself, she turned, feeling a shove and her legs give way. The cold tile of the apartment greeted her knees, sending a bolt of pain through them. He’d pushed her. How? 

‘’Who you work for? Start talkin’!’’ He held his fists up, ready to fight. V put her arms up, watching as he mirrored her. 

‘’Fuck!’’ she moved her hands, inward so she could see her palms - then outward. Johnny copied her, looking dumbstruck. 

‘’Fuckin’ chip - rip the thing out myself.’’ He reached up to the back of his head. 

‘’Gonna kill us both!’’ V yelled, trying to kick at his ankles. Something must have connected, she heard a crash. A string of curse words. V maneuvered herself, crawling on her hands and knees up to where Johnny was now holding his head and groaning. She straddled his hips, lunging forward to grab his throat, gasping when she felt a grip on her own. Squeezing harder, she felt it. Strangling herself as well. 

‘’Fuckin’ cunt! Get off me!’’ Johnny yelled, trying to move and pin her down. V gritted her teeth, trying to use her legs to push him off. She got a hand free, shoving into the pocket of her pants and finding the plastic container of pill. 

‘’See you never, asshole!’’ V barely got the lid open, and they were strewn across the floor. 

‘’Get some fuckin’ iron in your mouth. That oughta do it.’’ Johnny glared, still trying to hold her still. He drew slightly closer, glasses slipping down his nose slightly so V could stare into his cold, dark eyes. ‘’Can feel our minds touching. Mine’s growing on yours like mould on fruit.’’ 

He glitched across the room, leaving V to try and push herself further away. 

‘’Would puke if I could…’’ He was back there, standing over her. V tried to sit up, tried to move away again. Her mind was inching back into unconsciousness. She couldn’t do a damn thing to stop herself from falling limp, eyes shutting. 

When she woke up, the apartment was empty. No thumping on the wall from Johnny Silverhand. Just the tinny low radio playing synth tunes. V used the wall to push herself up, glad that the room stayed still as she rose. Her first port of call was the shower, hoping it would wake her up and keep her awake. 

It was awkward, showering with the bandages on her head. Had to take them off in the end, wrapping her hair in a towel and resolving to re-applying the bandage once everything was dry. V took a good long look at her face; usually when she had worked for Arasaka she had woken up early, showered and applied make-up. Heavy stuff, enough to cover any and all flaws. Hell, she’d even thought about injections once the lines had started to creep in. 

All seemed pointless now, stupid and out of reach. 

V re-did her bandage, getting dressed and catching sight of a lone gun on the wall of the armoury. A housewarming present, perhaps. She put on the holster belt and slotted the iron in, hoping that she wouldn’t have to use it. Couldn’t use it on her little guest, anyway. Might blow a hole in herself trying to.

She wondered what she should start with. V had dropped herself right into a shit storm with no port of call to weather it through. As if in question, after she had finished that thought a knock came after her door. V glanced at the monitor to see who was there, opened the door and stood back. 

‘’Lookin’ a bit better today Chica. Glad to see it.’’ Jackie was holding a greasy brown paper bag, he walked over to the coffee table and set the bag down. 

‘’Was just thinking that I need someone to point me in the direction of someone who might know about this.’’ V went to open the bag, the smell of the tamales hitting her before she actually saw them. 

‘’Didn’t know if a fancy Corpo like you had eaten good food before.’’ Jackie moved to look out of the window. V laughed, starting to eat. She’d definitely needed the food, despite her stomach giving no warning that she was hungry. ‘’As for your lead, been talking to some people. Most of ‘em are scared shitless by whatever chip you got in your head. Got a feeling it’s more about who knows that you’ve got it than the actual thing itself.’’ 

‘’So they’re too scared Arasaka is gonna gun them down for it? Wouldn’t they have already stormed this apartment if that was the case?’’ V questioned, wiping her mouth with a napkin. 

‘’Exactly my thoughts. Works to our advantage and disadvantage. I did get a name. Evelyn Parker - she was chooms with Yorinobu. Apparently gave some info that was on my briefing. T-Bug scanned a braindance that she provided. Found out where the chip was being stored.’’ Jackie turned from the window, looking weighed down. 

‘’T-Bug? Can we talk to them?’’ V asked. 

Jackie shook his head, sighing. ‘’Got fried by Arasaka tech trynna get up out of that apartment. So Parker is our best bet right now. Your other friend might have ideas. Bodyguard guy.’’

‘’Takemura. I was going to give him a call soon. Just finding my bearings, had a little trouble last night with the chip.’’ V gestured up to her head. 

‘’What kinda trouble?’’ Jackie frowned. 

‘’The guy - Johnny Silverhand - made his grand appearance. Beat the shit out of each other. Told me to stick some iron in my mouth.’’ V remembered the gun in her holster. Horror crept in as she wondered if Johnny could really make her shoot herself. 

‘’Misty said something about it last night. Two souls - don’t know how that works out. Thought digital shit couldn’t have a soul.’’ 

‘’Maybe when he stops trying to off me I’ll ask him. Until then I should probably arrange a meeting with Takemura. Unless you have other business.’’ V was glad she had someone to talk her plans through with. 

‘’Just a lil merc run I need help with tomorrow. Nothing big, just gang shit. Thievery from thieves, gotta love it.’’ Jackie stood, glancing about the apartment with a grim expression. ‘’Don’t feel like a home yet.’’ 

‘’Might not ever get to feel that way.’’ V dug her hands into the pockets of her pants. 

‘’V, we’re gonna try and get you better. I’ve seen some strange shit in my time. This does push the boundaries, but life is for living, huh? Gotta grab it while it’s here. No matter how much time you got left, there’s things to do. To say, to feel. God don’t tell Misty I said all that. Think she’s rubbing off on me and more every day.’’ Jackie rubbed the back of his neck, sighing. 

‘’Thanks for the pep talk. And no I won’t tell Misty. I owe you a lot, Jackie. Still can’t figure out why you’re doing all this.’’ 

‘’Already told you, I need some of those boxing pointers. How am I supposed to take out punks when they’re more scared of you n’they are of me? What a cruel world.’’ He laid a hand dramatically over his heart. V shook her head, still mystified by his friendliness. She couldn’t imagine forgiving someone for doing what she had done. ‘’Vik told me something once. First thing I thought of after I woke up with a huge headache after you got me. He told me back in the day when he was with the Night City Devils. See Vik was a boxer - maybe you noticed the tattoos.’’ Jackie gestured vaguely to his own arm. 

V nodded, wondering where this was going. 

‘’He told me ‘Make your best friends among the fighters who knock you out cold’. Pretty apt, huh?’’ He nudged her. V smiled a little, shrugging. 

‘’Never really been much for friends. Can’t wrap my head around all this.’’ 

‘’That’s where me and Misty come in. We’ll get you through. Always a way. Don’t forget Mama Welles wants you over tonight.’’ Jackie stood, having a last glance around the apartment. ‘’Think I can find something for this place. To make it feel less cold.’’ He turned to leave, with V trailing behind. 

‘’Thanks Jackie. I feel better. I’ll call Takemura and maybe he’ll meet me before I come over. You got an address for your mother?’’ She wondered just what she would be saying to Takemura. Barely remembered his face, in truth. Their meeting was as chaotic as meetings could be. 

‘’I’ll be back here to see Misty around eight. Just head down to her place and we’ll go from there. One more thing - have some info you can read. Kept the dossier DeShawn sent me.’’ Jackie handed over a shard and gave her a wave, walking to the elevator. 

Takemura hadn’t been waiting in Tom’s Diner long. V had gotten lost after he’d named the place to meet at. He looked up at her, nodding and gesturing to the seat opposite his in the cracked plastic booth. 

‘’Good to see you up and walking. Did not know if you would survive the journey last time we met.’’ Takemura started. 

‘’Thanks for not killing me, I guess. Had ample opportunity to.’’ V spotted a greasy pizza sitting there. ‘’You order this?’’ She pointed at it. Takemura nodded curtly. V took a slice, not checking the temperature and burning the roof of her mouth. 

‘’It is hot.’’ Takemura warned. 

‘’Thanks...So why did you help me?’’ V frowned, blowing on the remaining part of her pizza. 

‘’I need you to live. That hasn’t changed. I heard about your...situation...I was there myself being treated. Not many could do what your ripperdoc did. You should be thankful.’’ Takemura took a sip of the coffee he had been holding. 

‘’I am thankful. But I’m also confused as to why I’m being given the V.I.P treatment by everyone I meet. Didn’t know having a countdown looming over your head would make folks drop everything to help me. Which leads me to my next question - what is it that you actually want from me?’’ V folded her arms, wishing she had a coffee as well to keep her hands busy. 

V tried to focus on the task at hand, but something was bothering her. Felt like she was being watched, but when she studied each person in the diner they weren’t looking at her. Something was creeping around in her skull.

‘’I want to be able to prove that Yorinobu Arasaka committed patricide. We will show them the evidence, give testimonies. That is all I wish for.’’ Takemura took a slice of pizza, looking strangely out of place in his white button down and suit pants. V was just in street clothes, missing the feel of heels and tights more than she wanted to admit. Shit had been programmed into her, it seemed. 

‘’I’ll look for Evelyn. Jackie is gonna help me. Probably wouldn’t last five seconds if a fight breaks out.’’ V started another slice of pizza, wondering where her appetite had come from. ‘’Also gonna check up and see what I can find out about Anders Hellman - read the dossier DeShawn sent Jackie and his name is everywhere. Seems like he helped make the relic.’’ 

‘’Anders Hellman betrayed Arasaka. He is not one to be relied on. There is another option; I have been gathering information. Seems that most of it leads back to the Afterlife.’’ Takemura was distracted by the mounted television screen. 

‘’The Afterlife?’’ V frowned.

‘’A club nearby. I attempted to talk with the ‘Queen of Fixers’ - a woman named Rogue. I was quickly dismissed. She saw me as Saburo-Sama’s killer. Nothing more.’’ 

‘’Is she worth talking to? Could she have any info on Hellman?’’ V questioned. 

‘’Perhaps. I believe she is the most likely lead we have. But she is choosy, expensive and rude.’’ Takemura threaded his fingers together. 

‘’I can be those things, too.’’ V smiled, remembering how many times she’d been insulted by lesser corpo suits. 

‘’But you have no rungs left on your ladder. Nowhere to climb. We are fugitives.’’ Takemura stood. ‘’I will continue looking for information. Perhaps my Arasaka colleagues will listen. In any case, if by some miracle you find Hellman and make contact, I wish to be informed.’’ 

‘’Til then.’’ V gave a small wave, relaxing into the booth. Her eyes wandered to the pizza, taking another slice and biting the end. 

Johnny glitched into existence with a flourish, drumming on the table. V was taken by the realization that she could hear the difference in his metal hand vs his organic one. ‘’Zapper-dumples and filth. In some ways, Night City never changes.’’ He eased back into the chair before speaking again; ‘’Arasaka’s still a despotic machine and the world’s on a collision course with chaos...but hey, at least Rogue’s still alive.’’ 

V had to take a deep breath. To stop herself from screaming, or flying over the table and trying to strangle Johnny again. Her hand went to her neck, remembering the ghostly pressure when she tried before. ‘’Why the fuck are you here, again? Thought you wanted me dead. Hell, got a gun right here if you still want that.’’ 

‘’You know you don’t gotta speak out loud to talk to me.’’ Johnny held his hands up. ‘’And I’ve processed some shit, changed my mind.’’ 

V pinched the bridge of her nose, taking another deep breath. ‘’You expect me to buy that? Fuck off, dickwipe.’’ V poked her finger at him. She could feel eyes on her, but her anger tamped down the embarrassment. 

‘’Hey, wasn’t easy for me, either. You woke up in a landfill. I woke up in your head. Wrestling with your thoughts, memories. Think we’re even.’’ Johnny took his sunglasses off. 

‘’Even….think we’re even. Jesus fucking Christ.’’ V buried her head in her hands. ‘’This is so fucked. Why should I even trust anything you say?’’ 

‘’Trust ain’t got a thing to do with it. We might be able to help each other. Should start with Rogue - we go way back.’’ 

‘’Oh? And what’s it gonna look like to her if I try and tell your old pal what is going on? She’s gonna drop me or have me wheeled out of there in a white fucking coat.’’ V lifted her head. He was reclining even more. Fucker was acting like this was his own front room. Not a care in the world. Fucking nail polish and rings.‘’You’re a walking fucking stereotype.’’ 

‘’And you’re a corpocunt who ain’t got shit to do except wait to die. Rogue’ll know what to do. Always did.’’ Johnny put his sunglasses back on, head rolling back. 

‘’Yeah, sure. Rather take my chances with anyone else.’’ V stood, quickly leaving the diner. She had to find Evelyn, but first she would go back home. 

She took a while to find her way back to her apartment. Just taking in how different everything looked when it wasn’t covered in expensive wooden slats and chrome finishings. Concrete, neon and more concrete was the order of the day for her new neighbourhood. V wondered about all of her clothes, the expensive lingerie and perfumes that would probably be tossed into the trash. Her time, her money, her reputation. 

None of that was coming back. But she still had her life. What life it was she couldn’t really say. Running merc jobs without knowing how to aim and fire a damn gun. It was gonna be interesting. V caught sight of a gun store on her way back to her place, glancing over and then quickly ducking her head down again. 

Maybe they’d take her back. V wondered if Arasaka would have any interest in keeping her alive. 

‘’Hey, you even think of handin’ me back over to those ‘Saka fucks and I really will fuckin’ kill you.’’ Johnny’s voice cut through the thought. 

‘’Maybe you shouldn't have gotten caught in the first place. Fuckin’ stupid plan. Had to have known you’d die.’’ V let herself into her apartment, seeing Johnny glitch into view by the window. 

‘’Don’t talk about shit ya don’t know anythin’ about.’’ Another hand gesture accompanied Johnny’s words.

‘’I fucking saw it happen, fossil. Felt everything, too. Sick fucker enjoyed wasting that security team.’’ V glared at him, but didn’t move closer. Learned her lesson before. 

‘’Want me to go pokin’ around your memories, too? See what kind of pathetic shit you did? Already saw how much you fuckin’ loved being a corpo lapdog. Makes me fuckin’ sick.’’ Johnny lit another cigarette. 

‘’The feeling is mutual, asshole.’’ V paced, wrapping her arms around herself. All of her memories. Everything, just an open library for a complete stranger. 

‘’Yeah, not so nice havin’ someone dig around up there.’’ Johnny looked over at her, mouth drawn into a tight line. 

‘’You let me have tonight. Tomorrow we’ll talk about this meeting with Rogue. Might give her a call if you leave me the fuck alone for now.’’ V held out her hand. Like it mattered that this ghost in her head would shake back. 

‘’Fine by me. You start thinkin’ about selling me out to Arasaka again don’t be surprised if I come out and kick your ass.’’ Johnny shook her hand with his metal one, before glitching away.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> V meets Mama Welles, goes on her first job and descends into the Afterlife.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was beta read by my best choom Vic, who continues to hear me rattle on about this game. Every five seconds I’m sending song lyrics and screenshots and they haven’t blocked me yet.

V arrived at Misty’s before Jackie showed up, awkwardly shuffling through the beaded curtain doorway and immediately struck by how many knick knacks there were about the place. Things from different cultures, religions and spiritualities. V had never really seen anything like it before. 

‘’Jackie told me you’d show. He’s caught up in traffic - shouldn’t be too long.’’ Misty appeared, holding two cups of steaming liquid. ‘’Take a seat, was about to offer you a tarot reading but I have something for you first.’’ 

V took a seat, watching as Misty dug a bottle of pills out of her pocket. 

‘’I didn’t want to give you these in front of Vik and Jackie - they wouldn’t understand. But I wanted to give you a choice. Pseudoendotrizine - gives control over to the other...personality. It’s just an option.’’ Misty offered one of the mugs to V, who took it with a weary expression. 

‘’So it’ll...hand the reins over to Silverhand? Why would I want that?’’ V stared down at the pill container. Red for danger. 

‘’From what Vik was tellin’ me, it could be painful. Just waiting to wake up one day and not be yourself...so I wanted to give you a choice. I really like you, V. I can feel that you have a good heart. Strong, too. But you should have options.’’ Misty took a sip of her drink, and so did V. Had a faint floral taste, a light sweetness. 

‘’Misty...thanks. I’ll keep it in mind. I am gonna fight this, though. Can’t just lie down and let that asshole in my head take over just yet.’’ V took another sip, stowing the pills in the pocket of her jacket. ‘’So a tarot reading, never had one of those done.’’ 

‘’Mmm, I use them for insight. Some folks will ask for them, I like to open up people’s perceptions of their futures. Their present, too.’’ Misty grabbed a pack of cards, shuffling them. 

‘’Huh, guess I could use a new perspective.’’ V frowned after she said that. She already had a brand new perspective rudely interrupting her. Johnny had kept his part of the bargain so far, but she felt like she was being watched again. The filing cabinets in her mind being rifled through. 

‘’Misty! V! Sorry I’m late!’’ Jackie shook out his rain-slicked coat outside of the doorway, trying not to track water everywhere but failing miserably. 

‘’Hi. Was just about to get my future predicted.’’ V gestured over to Misty, who set the cards down. 

‘’Maybe later, it ruins the energy if you rush it.’’ She moved to hug Jackie, V looking away and letting them have their privacy. There was a pang of jealousy, of having someone there. Sure she had support, but if she’d been less focused on corpo office politics she might have had someone there for her. To tell her that it would be okay, that they would remember who she was when she was gone. 

‘’So, you two have a good time.’’ Misty’s words brought V out of her thoughts. 

‘’Should be comin’ with us.’’ Jackie had her hand, gently pulling her back to him. 

‘’Tonight is for V to meet your mom. I’ll come by later in the week, promise.’’ Misty kissed him softly, hand cupping his cheek. 

‘’I’ll hold you to it. C’mon V, let’s get goin’.’’ Jackie shrugged his coat back on properly, heading out of the door. 

Jackie’s car was pretty beaten up. The seats were worn and cracked, the air conditioner gave a strange wheeze as it kicked in, and the radio had a tinny ring to it. V buckled up, wearily watching pedestrians scuttle past in their coats or huddling under umbrellas. 

‘’Misty thinks you saved me from a dark fate. Was telling me last night - says something would have happened without you.’’ Jackie adjusted the radio slightly, but the tinny noise remained. 

‘’Hmm...don’t know about that. Seems like I have my own dark fate hanging over me.’’ V folded her arms, holding herself as the car navigated the streets. 

‘’Speakin’ of which - you get any more leads?’’ 

‘’A fixer - Rogue. Silverhand thinks she can help us. I said I’d give her a call tomorrow. Might just show up and hope for the best.’’ V explained. 

‘’Silverhand...hmm..well, I’ve heard about Rogue before. Tricky customer. But one hell of a fixer, they call her the Que-’’ Jackie started. 

‘’Queen of the Afterlife? Yeah, so i’ve heard. Not sure what she can do for me, but any lead is a lead.’’ V interjected. 

‘’Sure. ‘Member we have a job to do tomorrow as well. I’ll send you the details after dinner. Should be pretty simple.’’ 

‘’Simple sounds good. Maybe you can drop me off at the club afterwards. Don’t know if I’m even gonna get to talk to Rogue. Seems like you need to be a hotshot.’’ 

‘’We’ll find a way, mija. That Silverhand guy give you any more trouble?’’ 

‘’Just...arguing. He’s agreed to be quiet for tonight. I agreed to see Rogue to placate him.’’ V played with a loose thread in her jacket, remembering the pills in the inside pocket. 

‘’Weird, never heard of anything like it. Scary stuff.’’ Jackie’s voice was lower for that last comment. V appreciated that he was trying to be tactful. 

Mama Welles was as warm and welcoming as V had predicted she’d be. A strong, warm hug awaited her, and her body seized up a little bit at the contact before relaxing. V had never been a big hugger. In fact, affection wasn’t really her forte. Maybe that’s why you’re all alone. Her mind shot back at her. It wasn’t Johnny, just her earlier thoughts of being alone coming back to bite her. 

The food was something else. Homely, comforting dishes that were a huge departure from the fancy fusion cuisine meals that V had lived off of at corporate dinners. Filling and flavourful, accompanied with chatter that truly brought everything together with a family vibe. 

‘’So - Jackie mentioned a job tomorrow. You’re helping?’’ Mama Welles questioned as V helped her clear plates from the table. Leftovers sequestered into a tupperware container for when she went home. 

‘’My first gig, yeah. Pretty nervous about it, but Jackie says everything’ll be fine.’’ V leaned against the dark wooden kitchen counter. Again, the kitchen was just as homely as everything else. Family pictures and artwork populated the walls. 

‘’You’ll do fine with Jackie, trust him. It’s been nice having a new face around. I can tell he sees something in you - he’s never taken anyone under his wing like this.’’ Mama Welles eyed V, handing her the brown paper bag. ‘’Protect each other, he is my heart.’’ 

‘’I will. Thank you, again. I appreciate this a lot.’’ V smiled. 

The next morning, V wasn’t awakened by a request for cigarettes, or her holo ringing. Everything was reasonably quiet and peaceful, her head pounding slightly from the few shots of tequila she’d had the night before. She took a long shower, taking the opportunity to get another look at all of the scrapes and bruises she’d acquired from dragging herself out of the landfill. 

The long cut on her thigh, which she was sure Vik had sewn up for her. The deep cut on her left knee. Her forearms were scratched up. The thigh and knee wound would leave a scar, but otherwise she didn’t think anything major had been altered. She re-bandaged her head after gently checking it in her bathroom mirror.   
V paced, afterwards. She’d put on a black blouse and pencil skirt, feeling better with tights rasping as she walked. Her element, but probably not practically for the merc work. She changed, switching to sweats and a black hoodie. Plain, unsuspecting. Jackie had sent her the information the night before as promised - a simple ‘get in, get out’ job, as he’d put it. They were grabbing some data from a terminal. Jackie had been provided a clean shard, ready to have the info transferred onto it. That was V’s job while Jackie was tasked with watching her back. 

She took another look at the gun that had been left for her. Careful not to point it at her face, just running her hands over it, feeling the weight and aiming at her kitchen. The safety was on, and she didn’t put her finger on the trigger. Knew enough to know that both of those things were key if you didn’t actually want to shoot something. 

V lowered the gun, shifting from one foot to the other. It was so quiet, after all the chaos. She should’ve been in her element, enjoying the silence. But instead she wished that she had someone there to talk to. To tell her she wasn’t going to get her skull blown open as soon as she stepped into the dingy warehouse that Jackie had sent her three floor plan for. 

‘’Ya know, might be the most sorry corporat I’ve ever met. Not that they tended to last long around me.’’ Johnny was sitting on her bed, his usual laid-back legs spread pose. 

‘’Not gonna argue with that.’’ V sighed, looking down at the gun in her hand. ‘’Saw you know how to shoot in your memories.’’ 

‘’Yeah, was a pretty nova shot back when. Doesn’t fuckin’ account for much now.’’ 

‘’Can you teach me?’’ V looked over at him. 

Johnny leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees. ‘’Ya know, I think I prefer arguing. Why the fuck would I teach you how to shoot?’’ 

‘’I’ll smoke. Two a day - one in the morning and one before bed.’’ V watched as he seemed to mull it over. She could hear it, too. Him weighing his severed distaste for ‘corpocunts’ and his desire to feel nicotine hit his bloodstream again. 

‘’Fine. Need a shootin’ range. Or some tin cans in the desert. Maybe there’s something nearby. Unless ya turn control over to me during your little mission.’’ He tried to imagine how it would feel to control her body. Being inside of it was a preview, but it wasn’t the same. 

‘’There’s a gun store. Might know where to go.’’ V holstered the gun, pulling her sweater over so it was hidden from view. 

‘’Fuckin’ field trip. Preem. Hey, ya smoke one now? Still morning s’far as I can tell.’’ Johnny stood. 

‘’Have to buy a pack first. I’ll do it on the way.’’ V moved to leave, stopping to hold the door for Johnny. He just laughed, glitching through the wall instead. 

They walked down to a vendor, V waiting for Johnny to tell her his favourite brand of smokes. It struck her that they hadn’t tried to kill each other again yet.

‘’The day is young.’’ Johnny murmured after she’d had that thought. 

He stood behind her once they were at Watson’s shooting range, correcting her form. His breath hit her ear and she shuddered, not expecting him to get that close. 

‘’Gotta shut the shit outta your mind. Just you and the gun. An extension of you.’’ Johnny’s words were easy enough to understand, but in practice V missed almost every shot. 

‘’I’m going to die. Nice meetin’ ya, Johnny.’’ She snapped. 

‘’Wish the feelin’ was mutual. Shame you’re a cunt.’’ Johnny circled around her. V rolled her eyes, trying the stance again. Slowing her breathing, she felt Johnny behind her again. A hand gently moving the gun up slightly, no talking, just his hands on her shoulders, keeping her anchored. 

She was okay. A few hits here and there, an improvement but not by much. V walked out of the range feeling better, but knowing if someone with a weapon was running up to her she wouldn’t be able to be so calm. 

‘’Thinkin’ it’s time for that smoke.’’ Johnny was sitting on the wall by her apartment. V wondered if it was scary, having your back to the seven floor drop. ‘’Can’t really fall. Just glitch out.’’ Johnny answered her thoughts. She lit the cigarette, taking a long drag, shutting her eyes and rolling her head back. The smoke curled and waned out of existence, Johnny watching it. 

‘’Thanks. For the shooting tips.’’ V spoke without opening her eyes, just taking another drag and exhaling. 

‘’You’re fucked, V.’’ Johnny frowned. ‘’Ain’t gonna last two minutes. No combat trainin’, just a coupla quickhacks. Gonk move, takin’ you along like you’re gonna help any.’’ 

‘’Yeah, well I owe it to Jackie. He won’t let me die. Hopefully.’’ V finished smoking in silence, just enjoying the calm. Even Johnny was quiet when she went back into the apartment. Until Jackie showed up, she would have time to practice her stance some more. Try and psyche herself up. 

The pit in her stomach deepened as they approached the warehouse in Northside. Jackie had mentioned that Maelstrom had a few hideouts there, that they had nothing to lose and that’s why they were dangerous. V had seen them on the news, but never been up close to one. The exaggeration of cybernetic enhancements, the glowing red pits. 

Fortunately, they didn’t encounter any Maelstrom members. In fact, they barely came across anyone. V had to reboot optics for a few patrolling goons. Jackie gave her the thumbs up when they could move on, staying down and close together as they forged towards the location of the computer. Piles of junk and boxes of gear had to be navigated, stacked in haphazard ways all through the huge space. 

V jacked in, navigating the files from the system to the empty shard and writing them onto the chip. It was simple, no need to even do any further hacking. ‘’Okay, done.’’ She whispered, making sure the camera she’d disabled was still off. 

‘’Perfect. Hand me the shard, I’ll drop it off on our way to Afterlife.’’ Jackie kept his voice low, and they took the backroom exit. V’s heart was beating hard, the sense of guilt budding up slightly. She was doing something bad, and she’d barely stolen before, contrary to what got her in her current predicament. 

They piled back into his car, peeling out of the neighbouring parking lot that they’d stopped in. ‘’Nice work there, didn’t get shot in the head again. Brava.’’ Johnny’s amused voice followed him glitching into view on the backseat. 

‘’Didn’t even have to use a gun.’’ V stuck her tongue out at him, earning a metal middle finger. 

‘’We’ll see what the next job is like. Probably both gonna get zeroed. Can’t wait to watch you actually have to use a gun.’’ Johnny’s sour tone couldn’t put a damper on V’s good mood. She focused back on the city as Jackie’s car rolled through the streets. 

‘’Might have another job coming up, trying not to take anything too heavy. Give my mama’s heart a rest.’’ Jackie laughed. 

‘’She asked me to make sure you got home in one piece. Gonna be her favourite person next time I see her.’’ V smiled. 

‘’You might be right about that. Glad she likes you so much - can’t get my head around why she doesn’t like Misty. Should prolly ask her about it properly but...sometimes I like a quiet night.’’ Jackie shrugged. 

‘’Not a fan of conflict. That’s not a bad trait to have.’’ V thought about her own new habit of arguing with Johnny. She glanced at the backseat, seeing that it was empty and sighing. 

The Afterlife was quiet, quieter than she was expecting. She scanned the bodyguard, spotting the name ‘Emmerick’ before he stepped aside to let them through. Jackie greeted him like they were old chooms. Jackie was sitting at the bar while she approached the VIP area. From the scattered memories that had flooded through her mind, V recognized Rogue immediately. She still looked the same, still looked like she could flatten her without breaking a sweat. Her yellow ‘SURVIVE’ sweater was like a beacon in the low light. 

V stepped up, seeing a bodyguard move to block her from Rogue’s view. Inside the VIP area there seemed to be an argument brewing. Another woman was standing, decked out in leathers and clearly very unhappy with something. V stood by, watching until the fight was over, trying not to eavesdrop but not really having a choice otherwise. The leathered woman quickly breezed past as she was leaving, knocking the guard and locking eyes with V.

‘’Be careful who you bargain with.’’ She warned, before disappearing into the crowd. 

V held up her hand, trying to get Rogue’s attention, ‘’Can we talk?’’ she tried to speak louder, so she could be heard through distance and the thudding synthpop. Rogue waved her hand, and V drew closer. She’d had all the bravado in the world leading up to the meeting, but being face to face with the Queen of Fixers had her more anxious than she wanted to admit. 

‘’Hm, not here, not there. Who’re you?’’ Rogue questioned, rotating in her seat slightly so she could get a proper look at V. 

‘’Name’s V. Was told you might be able to help with a problem I have.’’ V was going to tell her whatever she had to in order to get her on board. Hell, if she needed to drag Johnny out of whatever corner of her head he was currently squatting in, so be it. 

Johnny glitched into view on the couch behind Rogue like he had been waiting on a cue. ‘’After all these years...It’s really her. Fuckin’ Rogue, just kicking it back on a couch at the Afterlife.’’ He whistled, and V couldn’t help but dig in a little bit to see what he was feeling. The trepidation of seeing someone he’d known as an older, possibly wiser person. The dig of sorrow because he never got to get to that age. ‘’Stop fuckin’ getting at me.’’ Johnny snapped. 

‘’Sorry, sorry.’’ V tried to focus back on the task at hand. Rogue watched her expectantly, gesturing to the air in front of her. 

‘’And what is it that you want, V? Problems usually require eddies to solve.’’ 

‘’Looking for Anders Hellman. Hot-shot engineer. Worked for Arasaka. Was told you might be able to locate him for me.’’ V just laid the cards out on the table, seeing Johnny nod along. 

Rogue’s eyes lit up amber as she searched, V standing awkwardly, trying not to stare at Johnny in the corner as his mind pinballed various thoughts her way. 

‘’Okay. Just one thing, though.’’ Rogue’s eyes back to normal, she focused on V again, staring right at her. ‘’ Hear you’re out of your league. Corpo suit turned wannabe merc? It would be impressive if you hadn’t fucked up so spectacularly.’’ 

‘’Ah, well, it’s all connected. It’s why I need to find Anders Hellman.’’ V continued. 

‘’Hmm...Shame about T-Bug. Dexter DeShawn was a waste of cells. Heard he domed you pretty good. Can see it now, actually. Bandages are all the rage around here.’’ Rogue smirked at her. 

‘’So what, I survived. I’m here. Piece of shit didn’t do a very good job and now he’s rotting in a landfill somewhere. Not me.’’ V didn’t know where the anger came from, but she wasn’t about to hold it back if it made her more assertive. 

‘’Ask her about ‘Saka tower. How they shot me up right in front of her.’’ Johnny spoke up. V gave him a withering look, quickly looking back to Rogue. 

‘’Got nads on you, I’ll give you that. Fine - I’ll bite. But you need the eddies to back all this up. €$15000 in all. Come back with that and we’ll find you your ‘Saka suit.’’ Rogue waved her off, and V retreated quickly back to Jackie, not even checking to see if Johnny had followed or was lurking nearby. 

‘’So, how’d it go?’’ Jackie looked up from his drink. A Johnny Silverhand. 

‘’She’ll help. Need eddies, though. €$15000. Gonna have to get some more jobs lined up.’’ She dug her hands in her pockets. At least she had a goal, now. 

‘’Let’s get goin’. Gonna stay with Misty tonight. Send you the info on the next job tomorrow and we’ll go from there.’’ Jackie finished his drink, wiping his mouth and standing. V led the way back to the car, her mind whirring with both her own and Johnny’s thoughts. 

V eventually managed to stifle her own racing mind by the time she collapsed into bed, but Johnny just kept thinking back to the last time he saw Rogue. How he was so close to getting away. Could’ve run. Could’ve lived. Could’ve done anything other than be stuck in V’s head. It felt like a joke, the anger and sadness rolling over her like a wave. 

‘’Can you please just...quiet down the thoughts. I can’t sleep.’’ She’d sat up, squinting into the darkness and making out his silhouette standing up against the wall. 

‘’Sorry it’s fuckin’ inconvinient for ya. Next time ya feel like bellyachin’ to me I’ll be sure to tell ya to fuck off.’’ Johnny replied. 

‘’Okay, okay. I’m sorry. Just...do you want to talk about it?’’ V laid back down and stared up at the ceiling instead of over at him. 

‘’Seein’ Rogue fucked me up. Knew she was gonna be older. Can’t even explain how it fuckin’ felt to see her again. All that time...fuckin’ blink of an eye for me.’’ Johnny’s mind flicked through memories while he talked. V caught a couple of nice ones, intermixed with fighting. Unresolved due to his untimely demise. 

‘’Should I tell her? Maybe I can route a conversation, let you tell her how you feel.’’ V offered. 

‘’Oh yeah, I’m sure she’ll be all for it. Jesus, V, to anyone but us it sounds insane. You need proof.’’ 

‘’You are walking proof. Tell her where your first date was or a memory you shared. Something nobody else could know.’’ 

‘’We don’t tell her shit until we speak to Hellman. And we didn’t date. Didn’t do dating. Just fucking and fighting. S’all it was.’’ Johnny flicked his cigarette away. ‘’Go to sleep. Tired of talking.’’ And then he was gone again. 

V turned to face the wall, finally her mind quiet enough to fall into a deep sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> V meets Judy and searches for Evelyn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to Vic for beta reading! 10/10 Choom!
> 
> I'm currently doing a StreetKid playthrough and realized just how much I missed. This game has a lot of content that I kind of just sprinted through.

Her drive to earn the money for Rogue’s intel fuelled V, it was something to hope for. Another rung in the ladder, to use Takemura’s earlier comparison. Every morning she dragged herself down to the gun store, Johnny behind her to give advice and very rarely praise her. 

V was settling into a routine. Her new friends took up any time she wasn’t spending on jobs or at target practice. Dinner at Mama Welles’ again, tea with Misty afterwards before bed. Jackie would take her on drives sometimes, showing her spots where she could pilfer Eurodollars. Vending machines, ATMs and unprotected hideouts. 

She even had her routine with Johnny, a smoke every morning, usually in bed with the ashtray next to her. V would just lie back and enjoy the stress relief. ‘’Jackie found a lead with Evelyn Parker. Apparently there’s a BD editor at Lizzie’s bar who was close with her. Has been looking for Evelyn as well.’’ 

‘’Heard the convo. What - ya want advice? Thought we were focusing on Hellman.’’ Johnny was on the sofa. V was trying to keep tabs on every surface she’d seen him on. It amused her, how he’d pop up everywhere. On her computer desk, on the coffee table, in the armoury on the table there. And out in public on just about any surface he could. Stairs, balconies and even parked cars. 

‘’We are. But while I get the eddies we might as well explore other leads. Meeting with Judy costs nothing…just have to get into Lizzie’s.’’ V tapped the cigarette ashes into the onyx tray she’d placed next to the bed. 

‘’Worth a shot. Don’t see why you’re askin’. Do whatever the fuck ya want regardless.’’ 

‘’Might as well take advantage of my situation and bounce these ideas off of you. Not like you have much going on, either.’’ V finished off the cigarette, snuffing it out in the ashtray. She got dressed, her usual street clothes. Her blouse, skirt and tights had been gathering dust since she’d last put them on. It just didn’t feel like it was a match for her anymore. Her corpo life seemed like a different one completely. One that was definitely over now. 

Johnny just stayed silent, V not really feeling self-conscious dressing in front of him. He’d taken to sitting on the toilet while she showered, providing a running commentary about whatever was playing on the radio while she was in there. It was something new, not exactly unwelcome. V had tried to imagine being alone and dying, and it had seemed worse. At least someone else knew the thoughts that were lurking, the ones that kept her awake late at night. Kept Johnny awake, too. 

‘’So - ready to go?’’ V asked, chewing on a nutrition bar, sitting at the opposite end of the sofa. 

‘’What if they got security? You’re still a fuckin’ awful shot. They call the goons in and you’re fucked.’’ 

‘’Judy is a BD editor. Doubt she has a whole security detail. From what I hear her place is just a club. Strippers, maybe joytoys. Jackie pulled up a map for me, said he’d done work for them before.’’ 

‘’Huh. Shouldn’t you call him for backup?’’ 

‘’Johnny, we are only going to talk to Judy. I’ll delta at the first sign of trouble.’’ V groaned. ‘’Don’t tell me you’re actually worried for me. Didn’t know you felt that way.’’ She laughed, and Johnny shot her a glare. 

‘’This is our meat suit. Rather not get zeroed again ‘cause of your stupidity. But sure go ahead, get your ass blown off. Why not?’’ He finally stood, the smell of his cigarette smoke actually hitting V. She stood as well, leaving the apartment. 

Night City really only looked beautiful when it was shrouded in darkness. In the crude daylight it made V shield her eyes as garish colours invaded her optics at the same time as the burning sun. It was already hot enough to make her want to scuttle into the shade. She decided to walk to Lizzie’s, knowing they wouldn’t be open for a few hours. She could scope the place out, and take her sweet time walking there. 

‘’Don’t tell me you actually enjoy walkin’ around this cesspit of a town.’’ Johnny was walking beside her, his gait casual as ever. 

‘’I’m growing fonder of it every day. Everything was sanitized before. My apartment and Arasaka were the only places I went to. And fancy restaurants with fancy little setups. This is the real world, now. Everything isn’t perfect anymore.’’ V dodged a car that mounted the curb, arm swiping at Johnny to get out of the way before she remembered that he wouldn’t be affected by the car. She’d not been expecting to actually grab ahold of him, to pull him towards her roughly enough to shock him. 

‘’Hey! Almost fuckin’ knocked me over.’’ Johnny snapped. 

‘’Wasn’t thinking.’’ V stopped, frowning. 

‘’C’mon, got more fuckin’ pollution to huff before we get there.’’ Johnny kept walking, with V jogging to keep up with him, her hand tingling from when it made contact with him. 

V ran a few errands to pass the time. She picked up some new clothes, a new holster for her gun and some MaxDocs. Wandered around the Kabuki district, picked up some pretty decent takoyaki for lunch. Johnny was sitting next to her at the food stall with a scowl. V blew on her food, causing a bonito flake to flick at him. ‘’Glad you’re enjoying yourself. Preem day for fuckin’ around.’’ 

‘’When are you gonna stop being so negative? We have our lead. Have another lead we’re gonna chase with Judy, and you’re acting like you just got given the worst news imaginable. They haven’t told me there’s absolutely no hope yet. Might be able to separate us yet.’’ V popped another pancake ball into her mouth. Chewing as Johnny leaned over, elbows on his knees. 

‘’S’going too slow. Gettin’ itchy with this morning routine. Fuckin’ range shooting - today is different, but it’s fuckin’ with my head. Never stayed in one place too long.’’ 

‘’Can’t really help with that. But all of this work is gonna get you free to roam again, right?’’ 

‘’I’ll be put back in Mikoshi or a fuckin’ data recycling trash can, V. Ain’t no body out there waitin’ for me. No fuckin’ future. Just this until it ain’t. Only way this works out in my favour is if you’re fucked.’’ Johnny’s anxiety reached V, her body stiffening slightly. 

‘’Well, maybe there’s somewhere else you can go.’’ 

‘’You’ve lived here for this long and ya still don’t get it. There are no happy endings in Night City. You’re wandering around with fuckin’ rose tinted glasses ‘cause some gonk told ya there might be chance ya won’t be zeroed at the end of all this.’’ Johnny glitched out of view, and V dumped the rest of her lunch in a nearby trash can. He was right, but she’d been trying not to let those feelings overwhelm her. If she dwelled on them, she knew she might just shut down and never leave her apartment. 

Lizzie’s was a neon pink beacon on the newly dark rain-slicked Sutter Street, the sign that said ‘Fuck to Death’ drew a laugh from V. She hadn’t seen Johnny since lunchtime, enjoying the quiet for a while as she explored Kabuki. The Mox symbols were new to her, but she enjoyed the cartoon style. 

Greeted at the door, V was struck by how beautiful the bouncers were. A purple haired woman with two cybernetic arms and facial implants gave her a smile. V’s eyes wandered down to the Mox tattoo prominently shown on her chest and felt her stomach flutter, returning the smile before she spoke, ‘’Judy Alvarez - was told she works here.’’ 

‘’Ah, yeah, she’s in back. You look pretty green, Princess. First time?’’ The bouncer’s smile widened, and V nodded, feeling her cheeks warm up. ‘’She’ll be in front of her computers as usual. Feel free to ask one of the girls if you can’t find her.’’ Stepping aside, V gave her one last look before she entered the bar. 

‘’Well that was entertainin’. For a big tough Corpo bitch ya sure did turn to jelly at the sight of her. Shoulda got a number.’’ Johnny laughed, suddenly there with his cigarette in hand.

‘’Shut up. Help me find Judy.’’ V felt her cheeks get even warmer, knowing he probably felt everything she had. 

‘’Mmm-hmm. Think she was into you. Might be worth using that as a tension easing exercise.’’ V could hear his smirk as he spoke, wanting to punch him in the arm but knowing she’d probably hit one of the bar patrons accidentally. The atmosphere was overwhelming, disorientating her slightly as she tried to focus on the task at hand. Thudding music turned into a thudding headache, promising herself to take some painkillers once she got back to her apartment.

V pushed through the double doors and instead of entering a back room she found a long corridor populated with doorways shrouded in glittering pink beads. She ran her hand across one of them, seeing nobody in the room. Assorted noises assuring her that these rooms were for one thing only, V hurried towards what she thought was the back room. Instead, she was greeted by a dressing room. 

‘’Think you’re lost - bathrooms are back down the hall.’’ Susie ‘’Q’’ - the owner of Lizzie’s spoke up from where she was sitting in front of the large vanity mirrors. V recognized her from the information Jackie had sent her, an impressive metal bottom half of her face giving her the same striking quality of the bouncer. The Mox were as beautiful as they were deadly, their reputation really did precede them. 

‘’Looking for Judy. Hoping she might have some information I need.’’ V watched Johnny take a seat at the vanity, not even giving the stools there a second look. 

‘’Mmm...She’s been a little down lately. Might not be willin’ to give you much. But hey, go ahead. She’s to the left, down the stairs. Might be busy with a BD so beware.’’ Susie waved V off, who quickly took the direction she was pointed in. 

‘’Startin’ to see a trend here. Powerful women really do have an effect on ya, V. Maybe that’s why you were so happy being a corpo bootlicker.’’ Johnny flicked ash at her, V giving him the finger before she carried on through the labyrinth of wires and shelves until she met another set of doors, and opened them to see a woman sitting behind a set of monitors, frown evident on her features. 

‘’Judy?’’ V questioned, hearing the uncertainty in her voice. 

‘’Depends, who wants to know?’’ 

‘’Name’s V. Looking for some information. An Evelyn Parker. Was told you know her.’’ V quickly spoke. 

‘’Evelyn isn’t here. Went missing a coupla days ago.’’ Judy stood, taking off her headset and taking a closer look at V. 

‘’She procured some information. Provided a BD that led to a heist.’’ V pointed up to her un-bandaged but still healing head. ‘’Got a problem with a biochip. Think she might have more information about it. Or just know someone who can help.’’ 

‘’I ‘member the BD. Can’t help you, though. Been looking for Evelyn myself with no luck. But, haven’t questioned anyone at Clouds yet.’’ Judy folded her arms, leaning against her computer desk. 

‘’Clouds...another club?’’ V raised her eyebrows. 

‘’Uh-huh. If you’re willin’ to help, I’ll help you out. Evelyn was spooked by what went down with that heist. Could tell she was nervous about it. Still let her go ahead. Stupid.’’ Judy shrugged, her head bowing slightly and her hair obscuring her face for a few moments. 

‘’I’ll do my best. Clouds...how dangerous is it there?’’ 

‘’Tyger Claws own the joint. Not exactly the friendliest of places.’’ Judy lifted her head again, heavily lined eyes staring into V’s. Looked like it was weighing her down, whatever was happening with Evelyn. 

‘’Wow, here we go. More fuckin’ unecessary baggage.’’ Johnny sighed. 

‘’I’ll check it out, Judy. Give you a call if I find anything.’’ V promised, sending her contact information to Judy and receiving hers back. A cute little ghost contact picture, she liked it. 

Jackie was immediately suspicious of the Clouds setup. It seemed like the mild warning Judy had given her was an understatement. If she went sniffing for information on Evelyn Parker, she’d probably tip off the Tygers that she wasn’t someone they would let out alive. Johnny laughed at her, giving her an annoying ‘told ya so’ before strutting away. 

‘’I need to find Evelyn. Until we contact Hellman, this is another lifeline.’’ 

‘’This ain’t the kind of place where you bring backup. It’s a place where you meet joytoys. Put your weapons in a locker as you go in. V, maybe we should try another way.’’ Jackie reasoned over the holo. V had been pacing in a courtyard space near Clouds, trying to work up the courage. To be decisive with Johnny telling her she was a fool, that she was gonna get them both zeroed. 

‘’I’m gonna give it a shot. First sign of trouble and I’ll delta.’’ V couldn’t even convince herself with her tone of voice, and Jackie seemed just as skeptical. 

‘’I’ll come over and wait outside. Give me a call if things go south, huh?’’ 

‘’Thanks, Jackie. Will do.’’ V ended the call, staring up at Clouds with her fists clenched. 

‘’We’re fucked.’’ Johnny observed her from some nearby steps, and V couldn’t really argue with him. 

V had gotten in the club fine, chatting with the receptionist. She didn’t drop Evelyn’s name to her, just asked for her match and was paired off with a joytoy. It seemed to be going well, the doll she had been matched with - Skye, seemed nice enough. V sat on the bed opposite her, being suddenly thrown into an uncomfortable psychoanalysis episode. Skye knew she was dying, knew what she feared. V felt fear, she wasn’t comforted and quickly shouted the safe word, standing and almost falling over. She pressed her back to the wall, breathing quick and harsh as Skye questioned why the session had been terminated. 

When she questioned Skye briefly, the name Tom Caldera was given. Another joytoy in another booth. 

‘’Hey maybe when this is all over we can visit a real fuckin’ shrink. That was fuckin’ bad, V. She was tellin’ us what we already know.’’ Johnny’s face held a flicker of concern, but V didn’t see it in her panic. 

‘’And what is that? What do we know, Johnny? We don’t know shit about this. The relic, what you’re doing to me. I don’t fucking know what is going on. All I know is everyone seems to think that I’m dying.’’ V was shouting. Skye had left the room, muttering something about V being a ‘cyberpsycho’. 

‘’Ya are, V. You’re dyin’.’’ Johnny spoke in a soft tone she hadn’t heard before and stared into her eyes, eyebrows furrowed. Why couldn’t she understand? Hell, she’d had thoughts about death. He’d heard them. Usually quickly buried with that annoying optimism that she was trying to drill into him. 

‘’Just...give me a minute.’’ V laid a hand on her chest, just trying to breathe normally. Johnny felt the tightening, like someone was squeezing her rib cage inwards. 

‘’Hey, you’re okay. Not dyin’ yet. Not now. C’mon, ya wanna help Evelyn? We gotta move. Find that other joytoy and beat the info out of him.’’ 

‘’Do I look like I could beat something out of someone right now?’’ V rubbed her chest, the ache slowly fading. 

‘’Ya knocked out that fuckin’ gonk you’re pallin’ around with. He’s fuckin’ bigger than both of us.’’ Johnny nudged her. V smiled, remembering how Jackie had gone on and on about that punch. ‘’Call him, tell him you’re almost out. Just gotta find the fucker that has the info.’’ 

‘’Okay, I’ll do it.’’ V opened her holo contacts. 

‘’Fuck, she actually does what I say! A miracle!’’ Johnny threw up his hands. V smiled weakly, feeling better. She wasn’t alone. That was all that mattered in that moment, that she wasn’t just screaming into a void. 

Jackie’s face greeted her, and she could see street lights behind him. ‘’Hey, I’m almost finished. Just gotta talk to someone else. Might actually get the info we need.’’ V moved out of the room, heading towards the stairs that led up to the next floor. 

‘’Alright, be careful, mija. Don’t like the look of this.’’ Jackie spoke. V nodded, and then it all went to shit. 

When the bullets started flying, the first emotion she was overcome with was embarrassment. She’d thought she could just waltz upstairs and everything would turn out okay? V suddenly agreed with Johnny, she was a dumb fucking cunt. 

She’d fallen, somehow moving behind cover as Jackie yelled over the holo, and Johnny asked her what the fuck she was doing. ‘’I’m coming, V! Just stay covered!’’ She heard Jackie’s voice before he disconnected. 

V turned on her scanner, short-circuiting the goon with a shotgun who was looking for her. He convulsed, smacking his head on something as he went down. ‘’Get the gun, V!’’ Johnny hissed. She dived for it, checking the shells left before firing at another armed goon. The kickback knocked her against the wall, a groan falling from her lips as she fired another shot. Fragments of bone and viscera peppering her face. More shells retrieved from the corpse, she neared the stairs again, knowing there were two armed guards there. 

Reloading, she used her scanner and overheated one of the guards, watching as he spilled down the stairs, clutching his head and writhing in pain. Until he landed on his neck with a sickening crack. V pressed her lips together, praying to whoever was listening that she wouldn’t have her head blown off when she glanced around to check where the other goon was. 

Thankfully, her head remained attached. The goon fired too late, hitting the wall right by her head had just been. V took a shaky breath, before diving out, firing two shots. She hit the goon in the stomach, sending him down the stairs in the same way as his buddy, except he was getting back up afterwards. V kicked at his head, trying to stop him from reaching his pistol, which had been dropped nearby when he fell. 

She had to move, crawling across to him and securing her hands around his throat, squeezing with all of her strength as he bucked and punched at her. V gritted her teeth, using the whole of her body weight to lean more force onto him. It seemed to last forever, her almost letting go when one of his punched connected with her jaw. Hot, wet tears pouring down her cheeks and dripping onto him as he grew still. 

A strangled sob left her when she realized it was done, backing away from the corpse. Her body aching all over, her heart pounding like it was about to explode. 

‘’Got more of his chooms upstairs, I reckon. Don’t think ya can take them all, V. Too dangerous.’’ Johnny crouched beside her. V looked at him, eyes still blurry with tears. She sniffed, wiping them. 

‘’V! Hey!’’ Jackie could be heard before he ran into view, crouching in front of her as well. ‘’Fuck, looks like they planned this. Don’t fuckin’ know why they rolled out the red carpet for you.’’

‘’Evelyn must be in trouble. If they’re this touchy about her.’’ V wiped her eyes again angrily, using the wall to push herself up. A couple of shells were on the corpse, and she loaded them into the shotgun. ‘’Not one to start a job without finishing it.’’ 

Things were easier once Jackie got involved. He was a better shot, better at choosing cover. V used her hacks to make things easier for him, until they found Tom and were pointed towards Woodman as a source of intel. The man was eating a burger, completely nonchalant as they questioned him. V couldn’t believe how little regard he had for the people working for them. 

‘’You’re so fuckin’ naive, V. ‘Course he treats ‘em like trash.’’ Johnny folded his arms and just observed. 

Jackie was supposed to be heading the questions, the physically imposing one. Woodman was still refusing to give any hint as to where Evelyn was. His comments grew nastier, and when he reached for his gun, Jackie stepped in to stop him, twisting his wrist. V was there, feeling the greasy burger in her hand, stuffing it into Woodman’s mouth before she started punching. 

She could hear him gargling, choking on the food as she kept punching over and over. Until her own hand was throbbing and bleeding. Another ache for her collection, another corpse with busted teeth, burger still visibly clogged in his throat. 

‘’Fuck, V. That was scary.’’ Jackie had backed away slightly, staring at her. 

‘’Just...just lost it for a second. Gimme a moment.’’ V turned away, rubbing her busted hand. Jackie was right - that wasn’t like her. She’d seen red, and now their source of information was gone. The whole thing had been a bust. 

‘’Scan the comp.’’ Johnny spoke up, leaning over Woodman’s computer. V nodded, finding a stream of emails pointing Evelyn to someone called Fingers. 

‘’Okay, might have where she is. Guy called Fingers. Ripperdoc. I’ll give Judy a call later and tell her.’’ V moved to leave, with Jackie grabbing her arm. 

‘’Hey - you okay? That wasn’t like you, V.’’ Jackie shook his head. 

‘’Just tired of all this. Tired of being almost killed, tired of this fucking chip. Tired of the way people are treated in this fucking city.’’ V clenched her hands into fists again, trying to calm herself down. 

‘’You really never saw stuff like this before? Corpos really are sheltered, huh?’’ Jackie stepped back slightly, mulling it all over. 

‘’Yeah, guess so. I’m gonna head home.’’ V turned to leave, cradling her hand to her chest. Jackie followed, calling out to her as she kept walking. V didn’t want to stop, she wanted to just keep going until the end of the city. The end of the earth. 

‘’Problems won’t go away just ‘cause ya leave this city, V.’’ Johnny chimed in. 

‘’I know. Wish they would, though.’’ V sighed, stopping and turning back around to talk with Jackie.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> V finally finds Evelyn, stirring some ghosts from Johnny’s past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is a shorter chapter than usual, the next one is probably gonna be longer. I wanted to explore the parallels between Evelyn and Alt being jacked in and rescued. When I was doing my second playthrough I noticed Johnny sort of paces when you find Evelyn. Idk if it’s related BUT
> 
> As always thanks to my preem choom Vic. They encourage all of my fic ideas and that is a great and awful thing because I could just write about these idiots 24/7.
> 
> Lemme know what you think! And thanks to everyone who has already commented 😊

V was close to having enough money for Rogue by the time she really found Evelyn in that godawful scav den after she almost beat Fingers to death. Another slip, another moment where she lost herself. Judy helped, accompanying her to the warehouse and providing some backup. 

Using her quickhacks, she managed to subdue most of the scavengers. Safe in the knowledge she hadn’t killed as many as she had thought she would. But deep down a nagging voice asked her why she had spared them if they were kidnapping and disemboweling women. 

The first body was like a horror movie prop. V found herself frozen, fixed to the spot while Johnny seemed to do rounds, muttering about how fucked up it all was. How they should delta, how Evelyn was probably already laid out with her organs glistening like discolored rocks in a stream under some hot lamp. Attracting flies. 

V felt a wave of nausea, remembering the rotting smell of the landfill that she had woken up in. Like a slap to the face, she doubled over for a moment, steadying herself. 

‘’Hey, V, keep movin’. This ain’t helpin’ anyone.’’ Johnny was beside her, she could smell his cigarette. It took some of the harshness away from the smell of rot. Not by much, but enough to shake her out of her state. Judy was busy jacking into one of the computers, announcing that she had seen Evelyn on the surveillance camera feed. That she was alive, just jacked in. 

V kept low, working her way through the dingy warehouse, bathed in neon reds and blues like she was tunneling through a hellish nightclub. To make matters worse there was music, grinding and biting through shitty sound systems like the scavs had been having parties while corpses baked in the backroom. 

Evelyn was alone in her room, eyes vacant and head jacked into a port. V approached her slowly, feeling fear and sadness gnaw at her. But they weren’t all her emotions, she turned and saw Johnny pacing, a look in his eyes that scared her. Like he was in a nightmare and couldn’t get out. ‘’Johnny?’’ V asked, reaching for him before Judy’s voice spoke over her holo. 

‘’Grab the jack, and take it out when I say so. Gotta do this together or she’ll flatline.’’ 

V had to go, grabbing the jack, eyes still on Johnny but ears listening out for Judy’s words. 

When she unplugged Evelyn, the feelings crescendoed, and V had to brace herself as she cradled Evelyn’s motionless but still-breathing body. She looked back over to Johnny, who was frozen to the spot, eyes obscured by those sunglasses now. Cigarette still smoking in his hand. There was a memory, one that wasn’t hers. Of Johnny unplugging a woman, of her not waking up afterwards. She could hear him begging her to wake up. 

‘’Fuck, Johnny? What is that?’’ V asked, feeling tears slide down her cheeks. Warm, then cold. 

‘’Nothin’. Ignore it.’’ He murmured, glitching out of view, but still leaving a miasma of sadness that V was trying to navigate through. Judy ran in, moving to help pick Evelyn up and get her to the van. Get her back to Judy’s. 

Her daily shooting range visit the day after Evelyn was found she emptied clip after clip, not noticing the tears running down her face until she stopped firing for good. She wiped them, stalking back to her apartment. 

‘’Can’t keep wallowin’ like this. Gotta keep moving, can’t just lay down and die.’’ Johnny complained behind her once she got home. 

‘’Not now.’’ V murmured, getting dressed for her trip to Judy’s. She’d resolved to take some food and check up on Evelyn, not really sure how else to help. 

‘’Ya gonna go over there when we should be makin’ eddies.’’ Johnny carried on. V just ignored him, throwing on a jacket and heading out. She moved quickly, but knew obviously he was still there inside her head. Probably revving up his next sarcastic or mean comment. V just wanted it to stop. 

When she got to Judy’s, V knocked gently, not wanting to startle Evelyn if she’d woken up already. Judy let her in, looking a little better than before but not by much. She looked like she’d slept and had a shower. ‘’Hey, glad to see you.’’ 

‘’Likewise. How’re you holding up?’’ V offered a soft smile, setting the bag of groceries she’d picked up en route on the kitchen counter. 

‘’No change from Evie. Kinda scared, V. I just don’t...I don’t know what to do.’’ Judy wrapped her arms around herself. 

‘’Are you okay watching her today? I can do it tomorrow if you want. Give you a rest.’’ V knew Johnny would be mad at her for offering it. But it was her time to offer, not his. 

‘’I don’t wanna impose, V. You’ve done a lot so far.’’ Judy sighed. 

‘’Let me help. I’ll be over tomorrow, okay? You can have a day for yourself.’’ V was surprised when Judy hugged her. Momentarily her body stiffened before she relaxed slightly. 

‘’V...I’m so scared I’m gonna lose her.’’ Judy’s voice was clogged with tears. V shut her eyes, squeezing her gently. 

‘’It’s gonna be okay, Judy. Just keep watch of her, remember to message me if you need anything.’’ 

V left Judy’s in a fog of tears, having to lean up against the wall of a nearby apartment block. She set her hands on her knees, bent forward as she tried to gather herself. To breathe through the dread she felt clutch her. 

‘’Cut the shit - fuck you’re makin’ me feel it, too!’’ Johnny griped. V could see him, steadying himself on the opposite wall. He smacked his metal hand against its, a slightly tinny thud. 

‘’Shut the fuck up.’’ V groaned, shutting her eyes and trying to calm her breathing. 

‘’Gonna fuckin’ decomish in the head of a gonk who can’t stop cryin’. 

‘’Shut the fuck up!’’ V screamed, causing a nearby pedestrian to start booking it in the opposite direction. Hard to blame them, really. ‘’This is your fault, asshole! You left me with all that guilt and misery. Your own memories fucking me up and you just got to walk away and ignore it. I don’t even know who that woman was, and I’m here mourning whoever it is in your shitty memories!’’ 

‘’Shoulda fuckin’ minded your own business!’’ Johnny yelled, the first time he had really gotten that riled up since their first meeting. 

‘’Hard to when you were broadcasting it loud and fucking clear!’’ V started walking, just wanting to be away from Johnny. She knew he was trailing behind her, either in her mind or in his other form. The one she’d reached out to to try and comfort him in the scav den. It had comforted her, having him there with her as she slinked behind crates and boxes. But to be saddled with whatever his past entailed was just too much. 

She didn’t see him again that evening, curled up in bed with a mug of tea. Misty had given her some to try out, telling her to boil the water twice for best results. V had enjoyed the process, trapping the tea in an infuser and lowering it into the scalding hot water. A spoonful of synthhoney, and then she took out the book Jackie had lent her. ‘For Whom The Bell Tolls’ - she had laughed when he handed it to her, thinking it was a little on the nose seeing as she could practically hear the bells of her mortality clanging loudly in her mind 24/7. 

‘’Good book.’’ Johnny was leaning up against the wall by the window. 

‘’Mmm, Jackie’s favourite.’’ V murmured, trying to focus. 

‘’V? We should probably talk. ‘Bout what you saw. What you felt back at that scav den.’’ 

‘’Oh you want to talk now?’’ she raised her eyebrows, looking up at him.

‘’Don’t be a cunt. Just wanna clear the air. Get us back on the same ground.’’ Johnny didn’t look directly at her. He had those sunglasses on again, as well. Like they were his mask, a disguise. Hell probably most of his outfit served that very purpose, to make him seem aloof. 

V lowered her book, glaring at him. ‘’Go on.’’ 

‘’Shoulda warned ya. Bad memories. Wasn’t sure if ya were feelin’ the same thing. Hell, never know how to fuckin’ talk about it. Lost someone I cared about, and seein’ Evelyn like that reminded me of it. Been tryin’ to forget that since even before I died.’’ It felt strange to him to actually acknowledge his death. 

‘’Johnny...I’m sorry.’’ 

‘’You’re sorry? Was thinkin’ I was supposed to be the one apologizin’.’’ 

‘’You were finding it hard to talk about something traumatic. I was angry because you wouldn’t talk. I wasn’t being understanding, not everyone can just...talk about stuff like that.’’ V reasoned. 

‘’Shoulda said it sooner. We’re both in this head, I fuck up, I should clean up after myself.’’ He lit another cigarette, taking a long drag before he spoke again. ‘’Thinkin’ I’ll let ya have that day tomorrow to yourself. Then we can regroup the day after. We’ll have the money for Rogue soon, and then Hellman can tell us how to work this shit out.’’ 

‘’You really believe Hellman is gonna save us both?’’ V finally was looking at him, and him back at her. 

‘’I don’t fuckin’ know. Willin’ to give it a shot. Things can’t really get any worse.’’ 

Johnny kept his word, leaving V alone while she watched Evelyn. She took her book along, reading to her as she laid in bed. Made her a cup of Misty’s tea, even if she knew it was just going to grow cold. Evelyn had to be helped to the bathroom, V sitting on the edge of the tub while she went, then helping her back into bed. She wasn’t eating a lot of food, just enough to keep her going. She didn’t press the subject, didn’t give any harsh questioning. 

Judy came back, sending V a weak smile before she left. 

And then she was walking alone through Night City, checking through gigs that Jackie had sent her. She’d need to do one more and then probably have enough for Rogue. A fence cleared, a way up that ladder she kept thinking about. V drew her jacket closer, head looking up at the sky, seeing no stars. Just lights from the buildings glinting up in the darkness. 

She stopped at a ramen stall, sitting to eat. The warm food a welcoming comfort compared to the cold air. Something to anchor her as her thoughts sprawled on and on. V wondered if Johnny could hear them, all of her worries marching through. 

‘’Fuck, you drag me outta your head for this?’’ Johnny sat on the stall. His leather-clad thigh against her bowl as he looked down at her with annoyance from his perch. 

‘’Just wondering if you listen to everything.’’ V popped a piece of synthpork in her mouth, thinking it tasted pretty decent with the broth. 

‘’Hear when ya think about me. Was hopin’ maybe it was somethin’ good. Eat slower.’’ 

‘’What?’’ V asked. 

‘’Takes a while to taste it, wanna enjoy it.’’ Johnny tilted his head back slightly, like he was leaning on the side of the stall. 

‘’Mmm, okay.’’ V smiled to herself, taking her time.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> V meets Panam and goes on the hunt for Anders Hellman.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks once again to best choom Vic for beta reading. 
> 
> I want to incorporate more song lyrics into this fic, just because I'm obsessed with the music featured in the game. The mission titles, the ost itself and my own personal songs I attribute to V and Johnny. 
> 
> Anyway lemme know if you enjoy! Thanks to everyone who has left kudos/commented!

When V had secured the funds for Rogue, the elation she had felt had eclipsed the fear of the unknown. But sitting in that car hurtling into the badlands had all of her earlier feelings marching two by two. She felt so small amidst everyone else, like any moment she could be stomped upon and snuffed out. It had happened, she’d already had a bullet in her skull. Yet still the fear of death dogged her. The final death, the endless darkness that she’d had a taste of.

After visiting the Afterlife to drop off the money, V had spent the day trying to psyche herself up. Rogue called up, dropped the details and told her briefly what she would have to do to get a hold of Hellman. It would frankly be a miracle if she survived, so she chose to keep Jackie in the dark about just what her trip to the desert would entail.

Panam Palmer was decidedly less intimidating when V came upon her, trying to fix the shitty car she’d procured in an equally shitty parking lot in the outskirts of Night City. Going from the leather-clad ball of anger she’d only met in passing at Afterlife to her partner all of a sudden in a mission that V wasn’t even fully sure of herself. Panam was beautiful and it made her cheeks blush when she stared straight at her, afternoon sun hitting her golden eyes. Hair piled on her head and also a couple of inches taller than V was.

‘’So, you’re V.’’ Panam’s nose wrinkled slightly as she stared. V opened her mouth to reply, and Panam spoke again; ‘’Where’s my car?’’ She turned, moving to keep working on the vehicle.

‘’Why’s it matter? What’s wrong with this one?’’ V questioned. Panam gave her a withering look before going back to work.

‘’Funny. It’s borrowed, not mine. I asked where my car is.’’

‘’Agree to help me and you’ll find out.’’ V offered.

‘’Oh, fuck no. You will not jerk me around. Tell me where my car is!’’ Panam was getting louder now. V wasn’t really sure how to diffuse the situation, if there even was a way to do it.

‘’Hey, calm dow-’’

‘’Don’t tell me what to do.’’ Panam shot back.

‘’Fine. I know where to find the cargo and your car. But you go alone, you won’t get them back. And you could lose something else besides...So let’s figure something out.’’ Her voice tinged with hopefulness, V stood on her tiptoes so she could get a better look at what Panam was actually doing to her borrowed vehicle.

‘’What do you want?’’ Panam was checking something. Again, V had no idea what she was doing, but it was interesting.

‘’Need to hit a Kang Tao transport. Won’t be easy. Wanna know I can count on you.’’ V spoke as she continued to watch.

‘’Are you out of your goddamn mind?’’ Panam glanced up at her, brow furrowed again before turning back to the car.

‘’About you or the job? Kang Tao’s AV route will take it over Jackson Plains. Heard that should help us.’’ V was glad she remembered what Rogue had said, because she surely didn’t have the faintest idea where the Jackson Plains were.

‘’Yeah, I doubt it.’’

‘’Gonna be a guy on board. Need to talk to him and in return I’ll give you the info on your car and your cargo. Will help you get it back. We got a deal?’’

‘’I dunno...I...Shit!’’ Panam had tripped the alarm system, rootiling in the machinery before she grasped a hold of the alarm unit, throwing it across the empty parking lot. ‘’All right. Deal. But if you want your thing done, we have to get my Thorton back first. So where is it?’’ Panam folded her arms, huffing and leaning against the car. ‘’I need my ride. S’how I make a living. Without that car the only thing I can move around is pizza. If that, even.’’

‘’The car is in Rocky Ridge. Cargo, too. I’ve never been outside of the city, so I have no idea where that is.’’

Panam murmured something, V caught the name ‘Nash’ but decided not to ask about it. The quicker they got moving, the better. And they’d already wasted time arguing, now.

Their first stop was the Aldecados camp, and V got to meet Mitch and Scorpion, two vets who seemed pretty amiable. She mostly kept quiet and let Panam lead, not opening her mouth in case she somehow put them off. She needn’t have worried, they didn’t want to get involved anyway. V didn’t really blame them, it wasn’t their fight, after all.

‘’So you have barely any combat experience? Just hacking and some gun training. Wow, Rogue really does hate me.’’ Panam sighed. She was a laid-back driver, but she gripped the steering wheel, juxtaposing her slouched sitting. They were on their way to Rocky Ridge, with something stowed into the trunk of the car.

‘’I’ve already done enough gigs to show I’m not just a...y’know, a bit of dead weight.’’ V weakly retorted.

‘’This is remindin’ me of the nerdy kid getting turned down in high school, V. C’mon.’’ Johnny sighed - he was there as well, sitting behind Panam with a bored expression. ‘’V - you really do love these strong chicks. I mean I understand, I was the same. Loved a gal who didn’t take shit. Thought you’d be a bit more assertive, seein’ as your clock might be ‘bout to run out.’’ Johnny rambled on. V sunk further into her seat, hoping Panam didn’t notice her blushing. ‘’Also on account of your fuckin’ corporat past.’’

V declined to reply and folded her arms, looking out into the desert. She’d heard of nomads, obviously. They lived in the desert, finding strength in family and friends. Carved their own homes amidst some of the most hostile conditions thinkable. And V herself had barely ever gone without air conditioning.

‘’Thinking it would be pretty hellish to be bombarded with this heat and no reprieve.’’ V changed the subject, suddenly glad she could talk to Johnny without breaking the silence that had fallen between her and Panam in the car.

‘’Grew up in Texas. Was bearable most of the time. Summer you’d fuck off to a creek and just bathe all day. Keep in the shade.’’ Johnny’s memories accompanied the words. Days spent lazing under the burning sun, drinking cool beers that clinked along the rocks of the water they’d been dumped in to keep them cool. The smell of sun lotion, the feeling of soft lazy kisses and hands smoothing across chest and stomach. Smell of barbeque and the din of an old car radio, cranked all the way up but far enough away to not be deafening.

‘’You make it seem nice.’’ V murmured to herself, Panam glancing over at her.

‘’What?’’

‘’Nothing, talking to myself.’’ V looked back out the window.

‘’Was nice. Coulda just spent the whole damn day in that water. Fuckin’ corps pumped toxic shit in there after I was drafted. Glad I didn’t have to fuckin’ hang around for that.’’ Johnny was also looking out into the wide open desert.

‘’That’s sad. There’s other creeks, though. Surely somewhere out there like it left.’’ V reasoned.

‘’Not a kid anymore. Ain’t gonna go fuck around in a creek for fun.’’ Johnny flatly replied.

The rest of the ride was spent in real silence, V wondering just where they were heading. Rocky Ridge sounded like an old timey western town. When they arrived, it was clearly something closer to a ghost town. Everything had clearly just been left to bake under the sun and gather dust. They parked the car behind a fence near a power reserve, V getting to work seeing if they could use anything to their advantage.

As soon as she was out of the car, the weather hit her like a truck. Humid, sandy winds blowing straight at her from what seemed like all directions. V shrugged off her jacket, happy to just have her holster on her for the moment. After some rewiring and restarting, she was crouched into place, waiting for Nash to show up with Panam’s gear. She’d told V that she’d recognize the car anywhere - that it was a beast. V was just thinking about Hellman, about what he might say when she finally tracked him down. If she managed to track him down.

V was still waiting when the thread of a song came through her head. It wasn’t one that she’d heard before - the familiarity was coming from Johnny’s side of things. ‘’What is that?’’ she asked, trying to get more comfortable in her current position.

‘’Blue Bayou. Roy Orbison. Fuckin’ thinkin’ back to that damn creek. Wish I could tell that gonk teen what was waitin’ for him when he got outta the water.’’ Johnny was crouching beside her, rubbing his stubble.

‘’You used to sing, right? Saw it in your memories. First thing I saw of yours.’’ V glanced at him, meeting his gaze for a moment.

‘’I’m not fuckin’ singin’. Eyes on the prize.’’ He frowned, still rubbing his beard.

‘’I wasn’t gonna ask that. Just curious.’’

‘’Used to sing and play guitar. Nothin’ like that, though.’’

‘’Mmm...have to look it up when we get back.’’ V made a mental note, not sure exactly if she would remember.

‘’Open up that gonk mind to somethin’ that ain’t lazrpop.’’ Johnny griped.

V smiled, sticking her tongue out at Johnny. He just shook his head. Panam’s voice crackled over the holo, announcing that a convoy was on its way. The air grew tense, as the noises of their approach grew loader and loader. ‘’Now, V!’’ Panam spoke again. V turned the power on, watching as the light show commenced.

They managed to get Panam’s ride and cargo back. But no Nash, so V was dragged into a personal vendetta in a humid desert cave, trying desperately to not have her head blown off in the process. Panam was frustrated with her lack of accuracy, but she was trying her best. The hacks were working more in her favour, downing the goons long enough for Panam to land a finishing shot on them. Once they got into a rhythm it was easier.

V was half expecting Panam to leave her in the dust, and she probably would have deserved it for being so useless during combat. But the Kang Tao mission still stood, and Panam assured her right there in that cave with bodies rapidly cooling around them that she was still going to help V take the Kang Tao convoy down.

And then V was introduced to one of the seediest places she had ever been in her life. If you looked up the definition for ‘run-down’ in the dictionary The Sunset Motel would be pictured in full sun-drenched colour. V felt nervous just walking up to the building, thankful that Panam led the way up to the bar. V was hit by the flashing warning RELIC MALFUNCTION as blue glitches melted into her vision. She brought up her hand to stifle a cough, and when she pulled it away it was sprayed with flecks of blood.

‘’C’mon...breathe…’’ V murmured to herself, having to use the railing on the stairs to stop from pitching over. Deep breaths, spitting out some spit that had a copper tang. She moved into the bar, seeing Panam already talking with the bartender.

As soon as the beer hit her tongue, V regretted her choice to drink. Whatever rancid brew they served at The Sunset Motel made her stomach churn. Panam didn’t seem to notice, just focusing on downing her first beer, and then ordering another. ‘’...I guess I just don’t know anyone outside of the nomad life. Not sure where to belong anymore.’’ Panam was talking, and V was staring at her, brain not really absorbing information.

‘’Could always make new friends in Night City. It isn’t the most hospitable place, but I’m in the same boat.’’ V dug deep to produce some sort of answer.

‘’But you said you’ve lived there a long time. Haven’t you got any friends from your corpo days?’’

‘’I wasn’t really a team player. Just focused on crawling over the competition rather than helping them. Life always seemed like a competition. See if you could get more than your colleagues.’’ V thought back to that time, not so long ago. She wouldn’t have dreamed of doing half of the things she had already done. But if she was honest with herself, it had been the most interesting time of her life so far. If that even counted for anything anymore.

‘’Always thought corpos were fucked up like that. Glad to know I got that right. Glad you got out of it, too. No matter what I said back there, I’m glad we got to work together, V.’’ Panam held her beer bottle up. ‘’To new friends.’’ V tapped her bottle against Panam’s with a smile.

‘’Got a lot of things to think over, I think. Seems like a tough time, deciding whether to leave the life you’ve always known or try and strike it out by yourself. Personally though? I’d run as far as I could away from the city if I could. Leave my problems in the dust.’’ V wished bitterly that it was possible.

‘’Mmm...I think we’ve all felt that way. Being nomad kind of lends itself to those thoughts. Pretty sure we’re all just fuckups running from our problems half the time.’’ Panam took another long swig of beer. ‘’Gonna get a room for tonight. We’ll regroup later and get our ducks in a line.’’

‘’Should ask to share the room. C’mon, V. She’s been giving you the eye.’’ Johnny encouraged.

‘’Maybe we should share a room.’’ V offered, a shy smile forming.

‘’Ah, I uh...don’t think we should.’’ Panam stood, requesting the two rooms.

‘’Damn, coulda fooled me. Had ‘fuck me’ written all over that look she gave you coupla moments ago.’’ Johnny was behind the bar, arms folded like he was waiting on her order. V sighed, grabbing her room key and wandering back to the stairs, feeling slightly humiliated but not deeply so. She’d get over it, even if it was the first time she had put herself out there in a long time.

‘’I’m never taking romantic advice from you again, Johnny.’’ V laughed. Room 102 was a sight to behold. Blood on the walls, stains on the bed. There wasn’t even a real door leading to the bathroom, just those sequin curtains that reminded her of the ones she had seen at Lizzie’s bar.

‘’Real charmin’ place. The fuckin’ car probably would have been better.’’ Johnny moved around the room. V tried the light switch, blinking at the light flashed on and off in quick succession before just staying off.

‘’Huh. Guess it’s straight to bed.’’ V ducked her head into the bathroom, wishing she hadn’t. Blood on the walls, in the bath and on the toilet seat. Looks like she was pissing outside if she needed to go.

Bouncing over the desert terrain towards where they were supposed to set off the EMP the next day, V felt weightless, laughing along with Panam as they went. It was still dark, V having barely slept but ready to leave the squalid confines of that hotel. There was an amiable feeling between the two women, no awkwardness from V’s proposition the night before.

‘’Seems like you just like to mess with everyone. Corpo, authority figures...probably would’ve fought me if we’d met before now.’’ V laughed.

‘’Hmm, play your cards right and you’ll never have to find out how hard I can punch.’’ Panam shot back.

‘’I would ask what the weirdest thing you smuggled was, but I have nothing to one up you, so I’ll hold my tongue.’’ V wondered what her life would have been like growing up around more people like Panam. The corpo life was so insular, singularly based around class and social hierarchy.

‘’Sheltered little corpo brat, huh? You’re alright though, V. You’re gonna make a whole new load of memories.’’ Panam glanced at her, holding her gaze for a moment.

They parked up at a bridge, V having to jack into Panam’s ride in order to calibrate a gun mounted atop it. It was thankfully easier than wielding and aiming a gun. The weapon seemed to have some sort of guided fire to help lock onto objects. Johnny showed up right as V was jacking in.

‘’V...there seems to be some sort of virus here. The chip at the nape of your neck..’’ Panam gestured to her own neck.

‘’Just a bit of malware. No problem.’’ V smirked.

‘’Screw you.’’ Johnny retorted from the backseat.

The gun worked fine, Panam guiding V to try single short and burst shots. Just shooting at wrecks that had been abandoned, of which there were enough to outnumber the amount of cars actually on the road.

They crashed into the power station, V still feeling elation as she set up the blast. The first relic malfunction almost knocked her flat.

The pain was blinding, searing hot white agony. V got the job done, but by the time she was back in Panam’s car she felt dread sitting heavy and cold in the pit of her stomach. Something was messing with her head, obviously something to do with the EMP.

It wasn’t until Johnny glitched out that she really started to realize what was happening. The EMP was affecting the chip, making him freak out and in turn scaring the shit out of her. Cold fear slithering into her gut as Panam drove as quickly as she could towards where the AV was set to be downed. The aircraft didn’t look like it was going to even come down, until Panam shot it down with a rocket launcher. It was like a cartoon sketch, V stood there open-mouthed, wondering what she had gotten herself into.

When she finally got to Hellman, it all just felt like noise rather than actual information. V was still reeling from the deaths of the Aldecaldos, including Scorpion. Panam’s grief had scorched her, burning fury and shame that she had gotten other people killed. She’d been told she was dying, and here was another voice telling her again that she had no hope. That Johnny was consuming her being, that she would start to see his memories as her own. Got the blueprints, saw the damage on her brain. She knew she didn’t feel far gone enough to need some clinic in Europe. Maybe if the pain got too much, but even then V didn’t want to die lying in a bed somewhere she didn’t know.

‘’Fuck, what a fuckin’ thought to have.’’ Johnny crossed the room, stepping over the beds in the motel V had taken Hellman to, like a kid playing ‘The Floor is Lava’.

She called Takemura, got him out there in the desert. Left the room and walked out to promptly throw up over the balcony. In the dark she couldn’t tell but she knew that there was probably blood in there. RELIC MALFUNCTION flashing red again like an annoying internet pop-up. She made her way carefully down, missing Panam’s company as she went. All she had was her talking tumour, the man who was killing her who wasn’t really a man according to Hellman. Could’ve fooled her, had fooled her. V saw him as a person, even if he wasn’t physically solid.

Johnny was sitting at one of the cheap plastic chairs, V moved to sit beside him, head hanging as she stared down at her hands. ‘’You think it’s gonna be gradual? Like your memories will slowly just become mine, vice versa. One day I’ll just wake up and, well, it won’t be me. It’ll be you. And it’s like I was never here at all.’’

‘’Don’t know. Wish I did.’’

‘’Kind of tired of hearing how I’m gonna die soon. Think the novelty is wearing off.’’ V looked up, squinting at the lights in the distance. Somewhere there was a party going, probably the opposite side of the road. People yelling, cars speeding past. So many other lives grazing hers, never knowing what the other entailed. ‘’Got no idea where I’m going. Wanted so many things, Johnny. There’s never enough time.’’

They both grew quiet, just the party-goers providing background noise.

‘’What was it like - dying?’’ V’s voice was lower, defeated.

‘’Ya saw it yourself.’’ Johnny lit himself a cigarette.

‘’I want to know how you felt. What you know now.’’ V pressed.

‘’Was on top of the world. Failure - not an option, not a thought..til it happened. Death feels real now, it’s only now I know it.’’ He pointed the cigarette at her, before taking another drag.

‘’Now? What about your time in Mikoshi?’’ V leaned forward slightly.

‘’Mikoshi felt like sleep. Lacked awareness, had no sense of passing time, didn’t mark it. Did what they wanted to me. Not a fuckin’ clue what that was, specifically.’’ Johnny shrugged, folding his arms and leaning back.

‘’We should get going.’’ V stood, glad that she didn’t have another episode. Johnny disappeared, leaving her alone with her thoughts as she drove back to Night City. With the darkness covering up most of the imperfections. It truly was best at Night, lived up to its name.

V had a shower, washing the dust and dirt from her hair, checking for bug bites. She got dressed in a loose shirt and pants, remembering something. Her computer sitting mostly unused lately, she put it to use. ‘’Johnny - what was that song? The one you had in your head.’’

‘’Blue Bayou. Roy Orbison.’’ Johnny flickered into view, walking around. V searched for it, waiting for the music to start. Johnny’s mind went back to that creek, and she followed, shutting her eyes, tilting her head back and listening to the music.

_I'm going back some day_   
_Come what may to Blue Bayou_   
_Where you sleep all day_   
_And the catfish play on Blue Bayou_

_All those fishing boats_   
_With their sails afloat_   
_If I could only see_   
_That familiar sunrise_   
_Through sleepy eyes_   
_How happy I'd be_

_Go to see my baby again_   
_And to be with some of my friends_   
_Maybe I'd be happy then on Blue Bayou_


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another fight and a meeting with Takemura.

‘’Don’t trust that fuckin’ ‘saka lapdog. Not one bit.’’ Johnny remarked, standing beside V whilst she waited for Takemura to make an appearance. 

‘’I was one of those, too.’’ She looked over at him, holding his gaze. 

‘’I didn’t choose to be stuck in your mind. Wouldn’t been my first choice.’’ Johnny bit back. 

‘’And here I thought we were getting along.’’ V sighed, casting another look around the place. They were by the water, moonlight reflecting along with the myriad lights decorating the nearby skyscrapers. 

‘’Why were you so excited about becomin’ a suit, anyway? Seems like you enjoyed it enough. Liked stepping on other people.’’ Johnny blew smoke in her face. 

‘’You’re right. Did enjoy that. Didn’t know about Mikoshi or Soulkiller. Just thought of it as power and money.’’ V faced him, not letting him intimidate her. 

‘’I’ve seen what you used to do to unwind. Granted I’ve done worse myself but somethin’ tells me you already knew somethin’ was wrong.’’ Johnny blew smoke at her again. 

‘’Fuck off. Thought you didn’t want me digging at you - don’t do the same to me.’’ V snapped. 

‘’Ya reminded me that ya were one of those lapdogs. Had put it out of my mind on account of the fact that ya appear as normal. Even ditched the gonk outfit. Y’know I had a corpo suit tied up backstage once. Said if we didn’t get three encores I was gonna execute ‘em in front of the crowd. Got everyone riled up. Hell, got my blood pumpin’, too.’’ Johnny’s gloating tone told V he was probably just trying to start a fight. 

‘’So you picked up a drunk suit from a bar somewhere and tied them up. Well done.’’ She rubbed the back of her neck, checking to see if Takemura was approaching. 

‘’Learned somethin’, though. Your type - corpocunts - love being tied up.’’ Johnny let out a laugh, V flinching. ‘’And your memories - fuckin’ priceless. Humiliatin’ yourself to get off. Don’t get me wrong, kind of get the appeal but having a ‘Saka cunt have that much power over you? Pathetic shit.’’ 

‘’You want to start poking in my memories? How about I go through yours? You really want to do this?’’ Fists clenched, V glared at him, wanting to scream. Just when she thought they’d started to build a friendship, here he was treating her like nothing again. Like just a tool to amuse him. Granted, there wasn’t much else for him to do, she just wished things were different. 

He relented, which she honestly hadn’t been expecting. Just staying in sight, blue glitches fading upwards as he watched her meeting with Takemura. He had another card to play, Oda, the bodyguard of Hanako Arasaka was due to make their appearance. 

Hanako Arasaka - he wanted to talk to her. V felt herself recoil with anxiety when Oda showed up, seeing Johnny smirking in the background. It made her want to throw something at him. This was her life, this was her chance to survive. And it just felt like a joke. 

Reconnaissance for a parade. He would contact her. And then he was gone, and Johnny was still smirking from where he stood. 

‘’I really want to know just why you’re trying to make me as miserable as fucking possible. Wait, I know. You did it to everyone else in your fucking life. Rogue, Alt and Kerry. All those people and they got tired of your shit. And I’m about tired of it, too. So maybe have a long thought about what you want, Johnny. Because you’re not in fucking charge. I am. My fuckin’ body, my fuckin’ choice.’’ V felt the dam breaking, and instead of tears coming to her it was rage. Probably the same kind of rage that got Johnny to blow up Arasaka tower. It didn’t matter. 

‘’Don’t fuckin’ talk about Alt.’’ Johnny moved closer, flickering into view in front of her. 

‘’I’ll talk about who I want. Since it’s open season in our memories, remember? Fucked that up good and proper, right? Maybe if you hadn’t been fucked out of your mind on pills and booze you could’ve saved her.’’ V knew she was going too far, but she wanted to hurt him, too. Wanted him to feel the same way she felt whenever he fucked with her memories. Fucked with her life. 

She was expecting something else, maybe another screaming match. Instead Johnny just folded his arms, leaning up against the wall. 

‘’Thinkin’ I can just take your body if I want. Do whatever the fuck I want with it once ya get too far gone. Was playin’ nice, V. But maybe I should just assert myself a lil more. Coughin’ up blood. Can’t be too long now. Relic malfunction knock ya out, and I can just take your place. Like Hellman said, right? Give me an inch and I’ll fuckin’ take a mile.’’ He leaned a little closer to her. V avoided his gaze. 

‘’That was you playing nice? Could’ve fooled me.’’ V drew a blue pill out of her jacket, sighing as she held it in the palm of her hand. ‘’I know you’re just trying to scare me. You try and take over, I zero us both. Got nothing to lose. And I’ll find a way to get rid of you, whether you co-operate or not. You want to fuckin play hardball, be my guest Johnny. I can just take these pills and shut you up. You fucking start helping, or I start taking a daily dose. And your last memories are gonna be in silence in the fucking back of my mind.’’ V stood up, walking back out into the city. She didn’t take the pill, popping it back into her jacket pocket. Kept it in her mind, though. 

  
  


V had swung by Vik’s to give him a copy of the relic blueprints the next day. He promised to take a look, giving her a quick checkup before she left. Her next stop was Jackie’s garage - having been shown around the place last time she’d had dinner at Mama Welles’. Misty was there too, sitting with a cup of tea in hand as Jackie worked on his pride and joy - his Arch. 

‘’Good to see you, choom. Misty told me you’d gone out to the Badlands to find some suit.’’ Jackie stood, wiping his hands on his already-stained overalls. 

‘’Didn’t want to get you caught up in it. Just researching my options for getting the chip out. Just gave Vik some blueprints to look at.’’ V took a seat on the sofa. 

‘’I’m glad you’re okay. Don’t feel like you gotta keep things from me though, right? We’re in this together. You want a beer?’’ Jackie went to go fetch himself one, with V declining. Misty brewed her a cup of tea, instead, sitting beside her. 

‘’So, diagnosis is still the same. Not really sure where to turn next. Takemura mentioned something about getting Hanako Arasaka on board. Really skeptical that she wants to help out her father’s supposed killer.’’ V was glad she had her cup to hold onto. Her hands were shaking slightly, but not enough to give her fear away. 

‘’There’s got to be other options. Somethin’ nobody has thought of yet. Just gotta hold tight. Maybe talk to Rogue again.’’ 

‘’Mmm...she’s not too pleased about how the conflict with Nash went.’’ 

‘’Still, she’s connected. I can always try and charm her for you, mija.’’ Jackie laughed, posing up against his bike. V and Misty shared a look, before joining him in laughter. 

‘’Rogue isn’t easily charmed, as you know. I doubt even the great Jackie Welles himself could break that frosty exterior.’’ V sipped her tea again with a smile. It was nice being among friends. She hadn’t seen Johnny yet since their fight, sadness replacing anger. She wanted them to find common ground, but she didn’t know how to navigate all of the baggage that was blocking the way. They’d both poked at each other’s wounds - and to heal they’d have to actually express how they felt. 

V could do that, but she doubted Johnny would ever actually give her the truth. 

‘’V, you okay?’’ Misty laid a hand on her shoulder, a kind smile on her lips. 

‘’I’m fine. Just thinking. Having trouble with Johnny again.’’ 

‘’Johnny...oh, Silverhand.’’ Jackie was back at his Arch. 

‘’What are you fighting about?’’ Misty observed her curiously. 

‘’We can see each other's memories. Both poking around in there, then using what we find in arguments. I think he does it because he doesn’t have any control. Nothing to do of significance. Just mess with me, and in turn I did the same back.’’ 

‘’Must be rough. Wouldn’t want someone with that kinda ammo.’’ Jackie spoke as he continued working on his Arch. 

‘’I thought it would be okay at first. Another step to understanding each other better, after the initial fear wore off. But it just...hasn’t worked out that way. I don’t want this to be harder than it has to be.’’ 

‘’You should tell him that.’’ Misty went to refill her mug. V stared down at her own, nodding softly. 

‘’I know. I will. Have to just...take some time to think about what I want to say.’’ 

‘’Can’t he hear it?’’ Jackie questioned, cursing under his breath as some component that wouldn’t fit properly. 

‘’Selective hearing, it seems like. If he can hear he hasn’t made his grand appearance.’’ 

‘’Mmm, remember those pills, V. Owe yourself some quiet time. Real quiet time, without worryin’ about someone hearing.’’ Jackie seemed to finish whatever he was working on, rising up triumphantly. ‘’Mist, I’ll take you round the block later. Bet she’ll purr like a kitten.’’ Jackie affectionately slapped his hand against the bike. 

‘’I don’t want to have to take the pills. Don’t want to shut him out. It’s nice to not be alone. Nice to not be left alone with my thoughts, especially since most of them are predicated around the fact that my clock is ticking.’’ V moved to stand, setting her mug down. ‘’Thanks for the tea, Misty. Was nice to see you both. Lemme know if there are any new gigs, Jackie.’’ 

‘’Hey, V, you don’t have to go.’’ Misty reached for her, and V shook her head softly. 

‘’I have some target practice to do. Can’t always be this useless with a gun.’’ She forced a laugh, giving them both a wave before heading out and back towards her apartment building. 

  
  


‘’Really, kinda impressive. The fact that you missed every fuckin’ shot.’’ Johnny finally made his grand entrance just as she finished her first target. V rolled her eyes, switching it out for a new one before reloading. ‘’Hey, heard what you said about not wantin’ to be alone. Not that I hadn’t heard it before.’’ 

‘’So? What are you going to do with that information?’’ V aimed, trying to relax herself. Legs slightly spread, arms not too rigid. Shoulders not tensed. She felt Johnny behind her, hot breath on her neck, hands adjusting her arms slightly. 

‘’We agree not to look in each other’s memories. Unless we specifically are talking about said memories. Maybe even try talkin’ without devolving into an argument.’’ 

‘’Not gonna happen. If we didn’t fight we’d barely speak to each other.’’ V wasn’t a complete fool. She also enjoyed some of their fights, the petty shit that didn’t matter but mattered enough to kick up a fuss. 

‘’Well, fuck, we’ll play it by ear.’’ Johnny settled his chin on her shoulder, hands holding her steady. 

V fired off a round, squinting slightly. ‘’Maybe you can be a good influence. Sometimes.’’ 

‘’Mmm, I’ll take that as an apology.’’ 

‘’You started this. You need to apologize.’’ 

‘’Fuck you. How about that?’’ Johnny gave her the finger, and she gave it back, laughing. Probably looking like a loon in the middle of the shooting range, flipping off thin air. But she felt lighter, and was happy to have someone there. 

They talked properly back at the apartment, Johnny requesting some old song V hadn’t heard before. She laid on her bed, staring up at the ceiling. Johnny stood by the window, where he had first materialized. ‘’Truth is, don’t really know why I said all that shit. Sure, ya corpo past is annoying as fuck. Just felt like something. Ammo. Wanted a rise. Used to do it a lot.’’ 

‘’I get it. Felt the same. Didn’t mean to see the stuff with Alt. Had a nightmare about her. Makes it worse that I used the information, really. Knew it would hurt you. Wanted to hurt you.’’ 

‘’Felt it, huh? I felt you, as well. The hurt. Wanted it. Fucked up, huh? Like we’re trynna hurt ourselves and each other. For fun.’’ 

‘’Kind of like my memories. Used to love that shit. You were kind of right, it was fucked up. Couldn’t handle not having everything under control at work, but at home I was relinquishing everything to complete strangers. Corporate fucking strangers.’’ V breathed out a laugh. 

‘’Not as fucked up as I made it out to be.’’ Johnny moved, and he was lying beside her, smoke drifting over her. 

‘’Oh? Got any good stories?’’ V nudged him. 

‘’Fuck, darlin’ I got enough stories to last a fuckin’ lifetime. Ya name it - probably did it.’’ 

‘’You ever...you know.’’ V nudged him again, turning to look at him. 

‘’What? Threesome? Foursome? Orgies? Public stuff? Did that shit, ‘course.’’ Johnny rattled them off so quick, V thought for a moment he would just keep going. 

‘’No, have you ever actually loved someone? Like, have a relationship. You told me you didn’t date, but you and Alt looked like you were pretty close. Hand holding, seemed pretty happy with that.’’ 

There was a silence, and V thought she’d asked the wrong thing. She jumped when Johnny started laughing, loud, deep laughter. V hit his arm, wanting to laugh as well. 

‘’Oh fuck, _you ever fall in love_?’’ Johnny mimicked her and was practically cackling. 

‘’It’s a valid question!’’ V threw her hands up. 

‘’Yeah, if this was a fuckin’ middle school sleepover. Fuck, V. Hand holding. Fuck.’’ Johnny grinned, rolling his eyes. V narrowed her eyes, pouting slightly. A genuine smile, and something stirred in her. Something sharp by her heart. 

‘’Just answer the question.’’ Her voice softer, the laughter dying down. 

‘’Didn’t know it when I was. Only after. Lookin’ back, guess Rogue was the closest. Felt like nothin’ could touch us when we were together. When things were good. Fucked it up, didn’t even notice. Drowned myself in pills and booze - like ya said. When I saw her again, I wondered how I didn’t see it before.’’ 

‘’Hindsight.’’ V reached over, taking the real pack of cigarettes and lighting one up. She saw Johnny relax slightly, anticipating the nicotine hitting his system. Having to wait to feel it like everything else. SHe wondered if he’d feel it too, that sharpness. 

‘’Mmm, hindsight. You were right. Coulda saved Alt. Should’ve. Gonk got the fuckin’ drop on me.’’ It flashed through their minds, those blades going through his stomach. Alt screaming for him.

‘’You were right, too.’’ V felt her stomach churn. 

‘’C’mon, V. Already been over this.’’ Johnny sighed. 

‘’No, about me knowing something wasn’t right. Just...didn’t know how far it went. But I knew people had been killed for bullshit office politics. Came close to being offed for the same shit myself. Didn’t know about Soulkiller or Mikoshi, I was telling the truth there. But I don’t know if it would have stopped me. Who I was back then...I only thought of the power and money.’’ 

‘’Not now, though?’’

‘’No. Now I know better. Never getting sucked in again.’’ V meant it, it hurt to think of how immoral she had been. Like wearing blinders for her whole life. Now she was dying and she was only just then starting to feel like the person she wanted to be. 

‘’S’all I need to hear.’’ Johnny replied. 

‘’Oh really? Gonna give up making fun of me for being an ex suit?’’ V asked, hearing the suspicion in her own voice.

‘’Fuck no. But, you know I’m not really mad about it. Was at first. But now, ya might be the first corpocunt I didn’t want to fuckin’ kill.’’ 

‘’Big compliment, Johnny. Might have to write a song about this.’’ V tried to think of a name. 

‘’Oh yeah? The Ballad of V Ravers. Stole a relic and got shot in the head for the trouble.’’ Johnny glanced at the wound in her head. Healing nicely, but still apparent. 

‘’I don’t get it.’’ V squinted at him slightly. 

‘’Wait, you’ve never listened to my fuckin’ band?’’ Johnny covered his face with his hands. ‘’This whole time we’ve been listenin’ to music and you haven’t even fuckin’ mentioned this?’’ 

‘’Thought you might recommend it. Didn’t know what the best songs were.’’ V watched as Johnny’s expressions changed wildly between confusion and frustration. 

‘’Okay, alright. Go fuckin’ put it on. And don’t pick Kerry’s version.’’ 

‘’Which song?’’ 

‘’Never Fade Away. My favourite.’’ Johnny watched her get up and put it on, before returning to the bed and lying on her back, shutting her eyes like she usually did when something new was playing. Johnny watched her for a moment, lying on his back as well. Letting her feel whatever he did, letting it go. He flinched when her hand found his, squeezing softly, but he didn’t pull back. Just squeezed back, sighing. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to best choom Vic for beta-ing. 
> 
> Shoutout to my lack of self control leading me to pre-order the Silverhand nendoroid. 
> 
> Lemme know if you enjoy!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> V starts to question some things, and visits Evelyn for some information.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to Vic for beta reading. Real choom hours. 
> 
> A lil bit of the larger plot is gonna get introduced. It's kind of off-canon but not at the same time. 
> 
> Lemme know what y'all think!

‘’This is a sensitive gig, V. Helped this gal out a while back. Right before I met you. Got her out of a scav den and to trauma team, fuckin’ scared me half to death.’’ Jackie was driving them towards Kabuki. V listened, nodding along. ‘’She’s a corpo netrunner. Dunno why they took her. Not our job to know - she needs us to secure a data bank for her.’’ 

‘’Do you know what’s on it?’’ She asked. 

‘’Na, not my place. Could probably look if you have enough skill with that sorta thing.’’ Jackie pulled up to a building, the both of them getting out and surveying the area. Seemed pretty quiet, V kept low and took out the security cameras, short circuiting a few goons and scanning for the data bank. 

It was on an Arasaka crate. V frowned slightly, picking it up and surveying it. 

‘’Take a look inside, V. Interestin’ stuff.’’ Johnny sat in the armchair nearby, watching V. 

‘’I guess I could. What if she asks?’’ 

‘’Jackie didn’t say she told him not to look at what’s in it. Might as well satisfy some curiosity.’’ He leaned forward, elbows on his knees. V stared at him for a few moments. ‘’What?’’ 

‘’Nothing. Just usually you sit in weird spots. Actually seeing you in a chair, it’s weird.’’ V laughed, hacking into the data bank. 

‘’This looked comfy. ‘Course can’t feel if it actually is.’’ He watched as V’s facial expression changed from a smile to something else. She was worried. ‘’What?’’ 

‘’This is...something. Says it’s for Night Corp. Something about low rank employees being subliminally...altered.’’ V’s hand went to her chest, applying a little pressure to keep herself grounded. Johnny had noticed it before when she got nervous. 

‘’Wait, what?’’ Johnny got up, moving next to her. 

‘’It’s called ‘Operation Carpe Noctem’. People being programmed in order to be violent. Carry out tasks. The subject killed themselves right after, Johnny. This is...this is bad. Look, it says they’re gonna do it again, probably with more people. What the fuck?’’ V’s hand moved, just falling beside her. For a moment Johnny thought about her taking his the other night. And then anger took over. 

‘’Fuckin’ corpocunt. She wanted to cover up their dirty work? Fuck, V. People need to know about this.’’ Johnny clenched his fists. 

‘’You’re making me get angry, too.’’ V pinched the bridge of her nose, sighing. She headed back to Jackie, data bank in hand. 

‘’What does Carpe Noctem even mean?’’ Johnny was in the backseat, sprawling himself across the seats once they were heading to Sandra Dorsett’s apartment. 

‘’Seize the night. Like seize the day. Or, alternatively, ‘live tonight like there is no tomorrow’. No conscience. No future.’’ V remembered the graffiti across the city. 

‘’Holy shit, you speak latin?’’ Johnny laughed. V glared at him, pouting slightly. It was a welcome break from the turmoil she felt, but soon she was back to worrying. This was something she’d heard about vaguely, conditioning to make customers invest in certain products. Like putting fast-paced music in stores to make people shop faster. Certain colours, shapes and smells to activate the subconscious. She’d never heard of it being used in combat scenarios. Assassinations. 

‘’That is what you focused on out of all that? I thought you’d be foaming at the mouth over this. Corporations controlling innocent people and making them killing machines? Sounds like one of your songs.’’ V had finally listened to The Ballad of Buck Ravers, and it came into her mind as she thought about poor HK-13, the subject who had strangled a colleague before killing themselves. 

‘’It is fucked up. What’re ya gonna do about it?’’ He lit a cigarette, blowing the smoke at the back of Jackie’s head. 

‘’Got to stop it.’’ V folded her arms, trying to think of some way to actually do that. 

‘’Uh-huh. How?’’ Johnny sat forward slightly, not stretched across the seats anymore. 

‘’Get the word out. Leak the document.’’ 

‘’No direct action?’’ 

‘’What - want me to blow up Night Corp HQ?’’ 

‘’Could. That’s how it woulda gone down back in my day.’’ She could hear the smirk in his voice. Could imagine what it looked like, too. 

‘’Back in your day they were still operating by candlelight.’’ That earned her a swat from Johnny’s hand, V ducking away from it, making Jackie glance over. 

‘’You alright? That data bank eatin’ at you?’’ 

‘’Yeah. Thinking of how to get the information out somehow.’’ 

‘’V...I don’t think that’s a good idea. They could trace it back to Sandra. She might get into trouble.’’ Jackie drummed the steering wheel slightly. 

‘’That’s true. I just feel like I should do more. Look into it.’’ 

‘’Know better than to tell you not to do something at this point, but be careful, yeah? These corpos...sorry, but they’re somethin’ else.’’ He glanced at her, concern plain on his face. 

‘’I’ll be careful.’’ V promised, walking with Jackie up to Sandra’s apartment once they stopped. 

She didn't tell Sandra that she knew anything, just staying quiet while Jackie talked. Collected the eddies and then they split. Back to the car, Johnny in the back again, seemingly mulling things over. He would do little gestures when he was thinking things over, V had noticed. Mouthing words, steering his hand through the air. 

V went back to watching Night City slip past. Wondering just what Night Corp were doing, how they were selecting these victims to do their dirty work. It was big and scary, but V could make a difference if she helped. 

Hell, she couldn’t believe she had talked with Johnny about her Corpo past so honestly. And he hadn’t blown up at her, they’d ended up holding hands. And listening to Samurai records. Her cheeks warmed, wanting to laugh at how corny it seemed in her head, but it had been nice. That contact, it reminded her of how lonely she had been before, and how she wasn’t alone anymore. 

Judy had invited V over a couple of days later, a welcome distraction from the business with Takemura, who was still betting on Hanako Arasaka giving them the time of day. They were due to scope out the place where the parade floats were in a few days.

Pizza ordered - a tofu tuna pineapple monstrosity that she loved, Johnny mildly horrified as he watched her eat it. Like he was watching an animal devour another on a nature show. 

‘’So, Evelyn wants to have a talk with you. Details are shaky, but she’s ready. Just...don’t mention where we found her. Anything like that.’’ Judy was biting her nails, wearing a Lizzie’s t-shirt and grey washed jeans. She looked good, better than when V had last seen her. 

‘’Of course. How is she?’’ V questioned. 

‘’Better. Got her registered with trauma team. Costin’ a lot of eddies, but she’s seeing someone. A professional. I’ve been taking on some freelance stuff, just working from here.’’ Judy wrapped her arms around herself. ‘’Anyway, I’ll go grab her.’’ 

‘’So - we ask why she was after my engram, right?’’ Johnny leaned up against the kitchen island. 

‘’Uh-huh. That’s all we really need to know. How all of this started. I mean, it would have gone wrong even without Jackie. Especially without Jackie. God, Johnny...Smasher was there. Right there.’’ V looked over at him. 

‘’I know. Saw ‘im in your memories. Got himself a full chrome makeover.’’ Johnny shook his head. ‘’Gave himself over to ‘Saka. Body, soul, everythin’. Can’t wait to zero him.’’ 

‘’Can’t wait to watch.’’ V smiled. Their eyes met for a moment, before Evelyn walked into the room. She looked better than before, like Judy. Elegant but comfy clothes, a long cardigan and some yoga pants. Anything Evelyn wore would probably look up market. 

‘’V...I’m so glad to finally meet you. Judy told me how much you’ve helped. Really appreciate it.’’ Evelyn sat opposite on one of the island stools. 

‘’No problem. Glad you’re doing better. I don’t know if Judy gave you an idea of what I wanted to know.’’ V took another bite of pizza. Johnny grimaced from where he stood. 

‘’The Voodoo Boys. They’re looking for Alt Cunningham. Think the engram can help them do that.’’ Evelyn moved to take a slice of pizza, as well. 

‘’Alt Cunningham...wait why do they need her?’’ V frowned slightly, glancing at Johnny who was intently watching Evelyn for her reply. 

‘’Something about the Blackwall. I can’t really remember everything, Judy said she could maybe pull something from my memories. Haven’t tried yet in case...well in case it brings up something bad.’’ Evelyn pressed her lips together, placing her half-eaten slice on a paper plate. 

‘’You’ve been a great help. We know who to question next.’’ V smiled encouragingly. 

‘’We?’’ Evelyn stared at her. 

‘’Don’t worry, I’m going solo. Misspoke.’’ V tried to cover quick enough to not arouse suspicion, not wanting to go into detail about Johnny. He just shrugged, glitching to the sofa and reclining. 

‘’Ah. Look after yourself, V.’’Evelyn spoke as Judy came back in, hopefully looking from Evelyn to V. 

‘’Not leaving so soon. We have pizza - technically it’s a party.’’ Judy laid a hand on Evelyn’s shoulder. V caught the motion, picking up on something between the two. V suddenly felt sharp relief that they’d gotten Evelyn out of that scav den. Her recovery wasn’t over, probably never would be. But they’d given her the chance to recover, the possibility of rebuilding her life. 

‘’Sorry, I have to get going. The pizza was great, Judy. And thanks again for the info, Evelyn.’’ V moved to leave, giving them a wave before she left. 

‘’What was that about?’’ Johnny asked, walking down the stairs with her. 

‘’Just overstaying my welcome, I think.’’ 

‘’V, they wanted ya to stay. Pizza party, ‘member?’’ Johnny moved to stand in front of her, she could’ve just kept walking but she stopped. 

‘’Kind of jealous. Evelyn has someone there for her.’’ 

‘’I’m here for you.’’ 

‘’Not like that, Johnny.’’ 

‘’The Voodoo Boys...Hmm. Pacifica. No joke, think they’re pretty dangerous. Got some of the best netrunners around. But I think they might be worth a shot.’’ Jackie explained over the holo once V was back home. 

‘’Huh. Have to actually maybe use a strategy for this meeting. I mean, I have what they want.’’ 

‘’Yeah but who knows what they’d do to you to get at that information. Shit, V, maybe we should let this slide. Find another lead.’’ It was the second time that day she’d seen Jackie concerned for her. 

‘’We don’t have another lead, Jackie. Hanako Arasaka or this. Hell, maybe we can talk to Alt ourselves while we’re there and ask her how to solve this. I’ll give it some thought, though. Don’t want to drag you with me if I’m gonna get zeroed.’’ 

‘’Alright. Don’t do anything without telling me, Chica. Have a good night.’’ 

‘’You too, Jack. Thanks again.’’ V ended the call, flopping down on her bed. 

‘’Prolly could talk with Alt. Might fry your ass in the process. You’re just the host.’’ Johnny spoke up. 

‘’And you and her didn’t end things on the best of terms, either.’’ 

‘’Mmm, have to think about this.’’ 

‘’In the meantime,’’ V moved to lay on her stomach, ‘’what should we have for dinner?’’. 

‘’Not another machine burrito. Taste like fuckin’ wallpaper paste.’’ 

‘’You know, I feel so bad about liking the Japanese food in this town. Takemura always badmouths it, but I can’t get enough.’’ 

‘’Tastes good enough for me. Let’s go get some.’’ Johnny wouldn’t tell her himself, but V asking him about dinner made him feel better about their situation. Not in a huge way, just being asked his opinion or choice in something made him feel real. Like they were a normal couple. Couple. No, they were Chooms. He quickly changed the course of his thoughts, V obliviously humming to herself. He recognised the tune for Never Fade Away. Fucking hand holding. 

He had thought about it, sometimes imagining kissing her when she was laying beside him. She’d smile, and she’d eye him and he swore her eyes moved to his lips. Then back up to his eyes, wanting to pull her against him. Wondering how she felt in his arms. 

Again, he was overthinking. Johnny looked over at her as they walked towards the stall where she’d eaten that takoyaki before. V obviously still humming, taking a seat at the food stall. ‘’What do we want to order? Takoyaki?’’ 

‘’Sure. Just don’t blow those fuckin’ flakes at me.’’ Johnny sat up on the counter, legs spread as always. 

‘’Okay, okay.’’ V ordered, watching people bustle past. The food arrived and she ate slowly. Companionable silence falling between her and Johnny. 

‘’Alt sent me a message. When she first went into cyberspace. Told me not to come after her.’’ His words made V stiffen slightly, finishing her mouthful of food before she spoke. 

‘’How did she do that?’’ 

‘’Fuck knows. Got a message and it was her voice. Telling me nobody else had to die.’’ Johnny took his sunglasses off, just holding them in his hand. 

‘’But you couldn’t let it go.’’ V sipped at the bottle of water she’d purchased with the food. 

‘’Never was one for letting grudges go. And ya saw the result. I think she’ll help us, V.’’ Johnny was starting right at her, without the barrier of the sunglasses to hide behind. Brown eyes that V used to think were cold, warm now. 

‘’I hope so.’’ V had something else on her mind, Johnny could have sifted around and found it himself. But they’d promised each other, now. 

‘’What’re you thinkin’?’’ 

‘’Johnny, you were with Millitech when you were in the army - right?’’ V took another bite of food. 

‘’Yeah, why ya askin’?’’ 

‘’Well, I did that job. Escorting that reporter back to see Regina Jones. And his report said something about vets being given high tech implants. They said they took them away at the end of the war, but you deserted.’’ 

‘’Mmm, can’t remember if they gave me anything. Arm was just a standard model. Had it changed a few times.’’ Johnny looked down at his silver arm, trying to remember what the first model looked like. Remembered having to get used to it, and those phantom pains. 

‘’Nothing else?’’ V finished her food, putting the container in the trash and standing. They started home, weaving through the other pedestrians.

‘’No. Again, memory is kinda fucked from that time. Call it PTSD or somethin’. Might have been the amount of shit I took and booze I drank.’’ 

‘’But Millitech also manufactured the bomb you used on Arasaka Tower.’’ V remembered watching Saburo Arasaka using Soulkiller. How they had interrogated him beforehand. Asked him how he had acquired the ‘fissile material’. 

‘’Yeah, I guess. V - this leadin’ to anythin’?’’ 

‘’Just trying to get all the information right. All this shit with Night Corp got me thinking about how this tech is being used. How long it’s been in development in different shapes and forms.’’ V pulled her jacket closer to herself. 

‘’Since before either of us was born. Corps always lookin’ to manipulate and maximize profit.’’ Johnny gestured out across the cityscape with his cigarette. 

‘’True. Anyway, I’m gonna see if I can get a fixer to contact any Night Corp deferrers.’’ V checked her messages, making sure she hadn’t gotten any bites from the fixers she had contacted.

‘’That’ll cost ya.’’ 

‘’Maybe. It depends if I can get it done or not. They’re apparently pretty tight-lipped. Sandra Dorsett didn’t want to divulge any information. Didn’t want to put her in more danger, anyway. But we found that data bank with an Arasaka crate. Might be gettin’ others to steal trade secrets so they can do the same thing. If they aren’t already.’’ 

‘’Fuck, that’s true.’’ 

‘’Anyway, can’t get anything done tonight. No jobs lined up.’’ V kicked a discarded can of NiCola as she walked. 

‘’Maybe you can go to bed at a reasonable hour so we don’t feel like shit in the mornin’.’’ Cigarette pointed at her, instead. 

‘’You encouraged me to keep listening to your old records, Johnny. Enjoyed yourself, it seemed.’’ They were in the elevator, about to go up. The smell of fresh piss making V wrinkle her nose in disgust. 

‘’Mmm, nice to see the shit I did is still around. Some kinda legacy beyond death n destruction.’’ They both watched as the elevator inched up past each floor. Walking in-time back to the apartment, V noticed that Johnny waited for her to go through the door first. Not just phasing through anymore, he actually walked through when it was open, before V locked it. 

She went to her computer, first, shrugging off her jacket and checking for messages. ‘’What are we listening to tonight?’’ 

Johnny thought for a moment, suddenly nervous. trying to sift through the songs he’d been thinking about. ‘’Us and Them. Pink Floyd.’’ 

V put it on, moving to her bed like usual. Johnny joined her, noticing her body made space for him, like she was used to him. Her eyes shut, he watched her listen to the music. A smile crossing her lips. ‘’Is this a love song?’’ 

‘’It’s about war, V. Listen to the lyrics.’’ 

‘’All I can hear is saxophone and soft singing. Sounds like a love song.’’ V opened her eyes, Johnny staring back at her. She moved slightly, drawing closer and for a moment he thought she was moving to kiss him, but instead she reached over and grabbed her cigarettes and the lighter. Cheap pink plastic, lighting the cigarette and lying on her stomach again so she could use the ashtray. 

‘’V, you ever been in love?’’ Johnny asked. Her laughter didn’t surprise him, but it was nice to hear. 

‘’Thought I was. Lots of times. But I guess I fell in love with what I wanted people to be rather than what they were.’’ She tapped the cigarette into the tray, bringing it back up for a long drag. 

‘’An actual answer.’’ 

‘’You gave me an actual answer too.’’ She finished with her cigarette, moving to pick another song. ‘’Last one before bed - make it count.’’ 

‘’Fade into You. Mazzy Star.’’ He smoked his fake cigarette, trying to time it with the nicotine hitting him from V smoking. She climbed over him, back in her spot by the wall, shutting her eyes. 

Johnny turned his head slightly, smoothing a hand over her cheek. V opened her eyes, eyebrows furrowing slightly in confusion. He had to move, dipping down slightly, thumb tracing over her lips. V smiling, kissing the tip of his thumb before he covered her lips with his. It felt like a real kiss, but the lines between them blurred. When they touched the static crackled, like two electrical impulses. He could taste the cigarette on her tongue, drawing her closer to him with a groan. 

She pulled back slightly, and Johnny saw her expression turn. From dazed to something else. Her hand moving to her chest, moving further away from him. Her back pressed against the wall. 

‘’V? You okay?’’ 

‘’M’fine. Hang on. Just..fuck..’’ She pressed her hand harder to her chest, and Johnny could feel it, too. 

‘’V you’re havin’ a fuckin’ panic attack.’’ 

‘’Fuck, I can’t fucking breathe.’’ Her hand clawed at his arm, his hands grabbing a hold of hers. 

‘’Look at me, you’re fine. It’s fine. Got ya, V.’’ He kept eye contact, feeling panic swell inside himself, as well. Not as sharp as hers, probably. Her breathing slowed, his thumbs rubbing the palms of her hands as he held them. 

‘’Fuck, I don’t know what that was.’’ Her voice was still shaky, eyes shutting. 

‘’You’re stressed out. I surprised you. Sorry.’’ 

‘’No, the kiss was nice.’’ A smile, that was good. Her hand smoothing across his cheek, thumb brushing his beard. ‘’Just got a lot going on. Lot of thoughts buzzing around.’’ 

‘’Shoulda known.’’ Another frown. 

‘’We agreed to not look. Not your fault.’’ V ran a hand through his hair, and he wondered how he couldn’t feel it before. Her thoughts surging, a crowded wave of something bad. Something like dread. 

‘’How about we go to bed. Try and calm down, get some sleep.’’ Johnny offered. V nodded, moving to go brush her teeth. When she came back in she set the computer to play some classical music, Johnny making a space for her so she didn’t have to go up against the wall again. His arms closing around her, anchoring her to his chest as she fell into a deep sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a joke to Vic that Johnny isn't gonna kiss V again because he's gonna think she'll die next time and I feel so mean but it had me cackling.
> 
> Also! When I was younger I thought that Us and Them was a fucking love song until I heard the lyrics. It sounds like a love song but it's about war? Anyway I was gonna write a whole set of fics based around Dark Side of the Moon songs at one point. Think my squirrel brain couldn't keep up with that, though.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who has been reading this, sorry this took so long! 
> 
> Lemme know what you think, thanks as always to my best choom Vic who beta read this. 
> 
> I might stop the chapter summaries from here on out, not sure yet.

Johnny was surprised that V took another job the day before they were due to infect the Arasaka parade float with a virus. Something about a mayor being assassinated, he wasn’t a fan of the decadent Peralez couple. Had suspicions they were going to ask V to join them in some weird merc fantasy threesome before they started talking about a dead mayor. 

And then she was watching a BD and analysing it, seeing River Ward for the first time. Their next target for questioning. V laughed when Johnny appeared, infiltrating the BD and offering his commentary. It had thankfully not been awkward between them since they’d kissed. She’d even taken his hand absently on their way to the Peralez job, not caring if it looked strange to other pedestrians. 

And so V went to go visit the cop, potentially untangling a wider conspiracy concerning the mayor’s death. Nothing was black and white in Night City, there was always some catch to whatever goon work the fixers were sending V on. The diner reminded him of Tom’s, of appearing opposite V. It seemed like such a long time ago. Couldn’t have imagined that he would be pretty fond of her at this point. 

River Ward was just as he appeared in that BD. Stupid fuckin’ coat, gaudy implant that seemed to have been salvaged from ancient parts. Johnny wouldn’t have liked him no matter what, and V knew that. She wasn’t fond of cops, either. But she’d already had to interact with plenty of unsavoury characters, and River wasn’t one of those types. Seemed like he was at least trying to help others. 

Japantown market, where they found Christine Markov. Johnny noticed that V kept her distance from River, not being particularly friendly. Closing herself up. She didn’t step in when Tyger Claws threatened River, just stood back next to Johnny and watched. 

Another informant, and then V was being driven to The Red Queen’s Race. Almost got her head blown off, River wasn’t the best cover she could’ve asked for. Johnny crouched next to her, hoping she didn’t get hit whenever the gunfire started. It was like he was seeing her differently, now, or at least being able to look at her without quickly glancing away. How vulnerable she was if anything went wrong. How her skills didn’t match the gigs that she was taking. 

They got the information back to the Peralezs. V told them it was Holt, and they thanked her. A business transaction, she was used to that. Felt familiar. 

  
  


‘’Sara. Fleetwood Mac.’’ Johnny requested once they got back to the apartment, waiting behind V as she picked the song and pressed play. When she turned her body hit his, making her jump with a laugh. His arm around her waist, pushing her hair behind her ear. A tender gesture from a rough hand. ‘’Wanna do this for real. You okay?’’ 

V nodded, smiling softly, letting him draw her close and kiss her. Her heart was hammering in her chest, hard enough for him to feel it, too. He could taste the ghost of the NiCola she’d drank from a vending machine on the way home on her lips. Arms wrapping around her, drawing her closer. 

He pulled back after a few more moments, checking she wasn’t panicking again. Concern being replaced with a grin. ‘’Still alive?’’ Earning a soft push from V, rolling her eyes and going to brush her teeth. 

The construction site was dingy, overwhelmingly grey with cloudy skies. V had expected as much, walking with Takemura up into the shell of the building. They had to climb a fence, easy enough. Used an elevator instead of the skeletal concrete steps. 

Johnny hadn’t shown up yet, which V didn’t mind. He didn’t want to be around Takemura, which she could understand. She didn’t mind him honestly, but his stance on Arasaka bothered her. V wasn’t sure if it was hypocritical or not, as she’d had the same loyalties not too long ago. But they had fucked Takemura over, too. He was what her parents probably would have called a ‘principled man’ with ‘good values’. 

In a sense, he would gladly give his life to a corporation that would never do the same for him.

It gave her a swell of satisfaction, thinking of how aghast her corpo parents would be that she had been kissing Johnny Silverhand the night before. V giggled to herself, thinking of how juvenile it made her feel. Like a giddy teenager thinking of the boy she was sneaking out to see in the middle of the night. ‘’V? What is funny?’’ Takemura was frowning at her. 

‘’Sorry, I know this is serious. Just got a thought stuck in my head.’’ V had her eyes on the warehouses next to the building, but nothing was happening at that moment. Arasaka trucks moving in and out. She could hijack one to get into the compound. 

‘’A good idea. We want to cause as little fuss as we can.’’ Takemura nodded after she told him of that plan. 

V scanned the area, picking out other points where they could gain access. A plan was formulating. Even if she wasn’t sure she even wanted the meeting with Hanako Arasaka. They could easily arrange a meeting and then execute both her and Takemura. 

‘’Startin’ to think like me, V.’’ Johnny was lying on the low wall surrounding the floor they were on. 

‘’Maybe. Not a bad thing.’’ 

‘’Depends who ya ask.’’ 

‘’I like the way you think. Most of the time.’’ She smiled, watching as a cat jumped up on the wall that Johnny was on. Takemura saw it too, letting her know she wasn’t just seeing things. He called it a ‘Bakeneko’ - V just thought it was a cat. 

‘’Saw one of those before. Hairless fuckers. Night Alt got taken.’’ Johnny sat up, observing the feline. V couldn’t remember that, but the nightmares were disjointed anyway. 

‘’Bad omen.’’ V murmured. 

‘’Dunno. Prolly.’’ Johnny laid back down, back in repose while V wondered if this mission would kill her. There were numerous guards, so many things that could go wrong. The parade was in a few days, Takemura told her to meet him there the night before. Cutting it close. But it also gave V time to hone her skills. She’d need to think of some sort of strategy. 

  
  


She’d sunk her heels in, the next morning heading straight to the gun range. Johnny just watched, happy with her progress but not really sure what to say. He could feel her hopelessness, following her to her like a miasma. Carrying it with her. She didn’t believe that they’d get close to Hanako Arasaka. Didn’t believe that she would make it through. 

‘’Hey, ya know it ain’t good to dwell on that shit. Gonna flatline before ya get to the fuckin’ parade.’’ Johnny spoke up after she’d fired off another disappointing round. 

‘’Mmm. Just don’t think I can do it, Johnny. Takemura is under the impression that I’m capable. I don’t know why exactly.’’ She rolled her shoulders, loading her gun for another round. 

‘’Maybe ya should ask Jackie.’’ Johnny leaned against the partition separating her from the shooter beside her. 

‘’This isn’t his fight.’’ V glanced up from her gun. 

‘’V, he said to ask if ya needed help. Prolly would help a lot.’’ 

‘’Not dragging him into it. If Arasaka comes after me...I don’t want him to die for me, Johnny. Don’t want that for anyone.’’ V finished loading, turning to fire again. She took her time, making sure her breathing was steady and her stance was firm. 

‘’Don’t be a martyr, V.’’ 

‘’I’m not, Johnny. I know what happens to people who fuck with Arasaka. Got you here to remind me of that. Hanako isn’t just an office worker or exec. She’s blood of the head honcho.’’ V fired and didn’t miss. Didn’t get anywhere near the middle of the target, just clipped the edge. Another shot, and she got a little close to the center. Progress. Tangible, visible progress. It was something. 

  
  


Johnny disappeared after V left the shooting range, she could still feel him somewhere in her mind. Not sifting through memories, more like background noise. She took the time to eat, just picking a burrito from her vending machine. She sat at the sofa with her book, letting the radio play low. Pacific Dreams was usually the station she left it at. There was some other research she did, sitting at her computer and trying not to think about what she was looking for, lest Johnny pick up on it and show up. 

Takemura sent her a few extra pieces of information - just some floor plans for the warehouse that he had procured. V doubted that she would be looking at a map whilst trying not to get a hole blown in her head. Another hole. Her fingers reached up to her scar, scared to agitate the tender scar tissue. She still flinched whenever she brushed it whilst she was showering. 

Also she sent Judy a message, just asking how she was doing. How Evelyn was. The Voodoo Boys were next on her list of visits, she could probably manage it before her meeting with Takemura at the warehouse. It was less of a risk, as far as she knew. The relic was something they were interested in, a bargaining chip. Literally a chip. 

Pacifica was somewhere V had never been to. Never wanted to, had heard things. About how corps had ravaged the place with promises of complexes and holiday resorts. Turned out it was all some way of siphoning cash into companies without actually putting anything into the community itself. Tale as old as time. There was a postcard V remembered in a colleague’s office, and when she’d asked if they had been to Pacifica they had laughed. Said they just liked the idea of going to the beach. 

Everything swirled in her head, and then there was the Millitech question. How Johnny procured the ‘fissile material’ - why Millitech would even give it to him in the first place. V hadn’t asked Johnny, had just let it weigh her down. Afraid of the answers he would give. The only other person she could ask was Rogue, and they weren’t exactly the best of chooms. Couldn’t really go around asking questions about Johnny without looking like a groupie who was very late to the party. 

‘’Heard somethin’ about a groupie. Came to check.’’ Johnny sat on the ledge by the window. 

‘’Just...wondering about something.’’ V glanced at him from where she sat.

‘’Somethin’ to do with groupies?’’ Johnny’s tone was hopeful. It only made V feel worse for what she was about to ask. 

‘’You ever think about that night? Arasaka Tower. What went wrong.’’ Another glance, and Johnny was staring at her. 

‘’Blew it the fuck up. Nothin’ else to think about it.’’ She’d expected that answer from him.

‘’That’s not all, though. Something isn’t right.’’ Her research earlier had been leading to this. Just introducing some of what she felt. 

‘’V...c’mon. You saw in my memories.’’ 

‘’Yeah, I saw what you saw.’’ V’s tone - she knew it would make him mad. Could tell she was suspicious. 

‘’The fuck’s that supposed to mean?’’ As predicted, Johnny pushed away from the window ledge. 

‘’It means I don’t think it went the way you think it did. I think Millitech fucked you over.’’ There it was, what V had been dying to say to him but knew he wouldn’t accept. That maybe he’d just been another pawn all along. That she was terrified that he had died for no reason, been tangled in a conspiracy that was going to eat her alive, too.

‘’The fuck’s going on in that gonk brain ‘o yours? Millitech didn’t do shit. Yeah, maybe they provided the nukes. That was it.’’ 

‘’For free. You didn’t have enough eddies for fucking nukes, Johnny. Don’t tell me you had a fucking savings account.’’ Anger, that was the tone that took her over. Like Johnny’s own frustration was feeding into her own. 

‘’Millitech wanted to fuck over Arasaka. I was gonna blow up the tower. Simple transaction.’’ 

‘’Nothing is ever simple in Night City.’’ V remembered Johnny telling her as much. 

‘’You wouldn’t fuckin’ know.’’ He shot back, finger pointed at her. 

‘’I know how corporations work, Johnny. Certified bootlicker, remember? I want to find out what really happened.’’ 

‘’I told ya what happened. Makin’ me out to be some gonk who can’t remember shit. Or do ya think I just imagined it all in my head?’’ Hands on the back of his head, now, pacing. 

‘’Who is Morgan Blackhand?’’ V changed her tactic, thinking maybe the name would stir something. 

‘’Don’t know. What - he think I wasn’t there?’’ 

‘’No, I haven’t talked with him. Not yet.’’ 

‘’Who the fuck is he?’’ 

‘’Spec ops. Used to be. Don’t know what he does now but apparently he was there.’’ 

‘’Accordin’ to what?’’ 

‘’Was looking for information on the net. There’s people who talk about these kinds of things.’’ 

'’Oh? The net? Jesus christ. I was there. Don’t need some fuckin’ gonk behind a screen sayin’ shit they don’t understand.’’ He gestured angrily, swatting his hand in the air. 

‘’Johnny...you shouldn’t have been there.’’ V stared at him, and it was pity he saw instead of anger. Made everything worse. ‘’A fucking concert as a cover? A rockerboy who hadn’t done merc work in god knows how long? How does it make sense?’’ 

‘’Trynna make me doubt myself. Know what happened.’’ 

‘’I’m not. I just need...I’m just scared, Johnny. Thinking about that Night Corp shit. About how much pull these corps have behind the scenes. I just got this thought in my head. Just how everything I saw in your head..it didn’t feel like it was real. Didn’t seem like something from reality.’’ 

‘’My last act as a fuckin’ livin’ breathin’ person and ya wanna reduce it to what? Didn’t fuckin’ happen?’’ 

‘’You were there for sure. But your memories can be altered.’’ V watched him glitch out of view. She felt relief, and then felt bad for feeling that relief. It was heavy, and she didn’t even know where to begin. So many things pushing and pulling, she felt like she could break at any moment. Maybe she would. But she wanted answers. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY SO big canon divergence is coming. I was following mostly to the plot of the game, but things are gonna kind of go off the rails. I struggled with introducing the themes of Night Corp and just corps in general having a lot of control over the general population. Hopefully I'll manage to delve into it without sounding like a complete fool, but then again I am but a clown.


End file.
